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  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    "The sign says 'Longhair hippie people need not apply'/So I got a haircut, took a shower, ditched the drum, now I'm gainfully employed."

    • 51
    • FAVS
    BeerhazenavanaxKimKardashsToeJoelAnairPlaid_NauseumNickadooHeyHoseylanyardigan
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsPlaid_NauseumdangillottelanyardigancoachsalmondjumpdasharkEmilymccleary88RyanAH
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Remember to turn your cock black tonight.

    • 79
    • FAVS
    KimKardashsToenavanaxteamhendersonStaceyCantwellleahruthieJoelAnairhorsecockloverAJPauline
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    SkunkwadAJPaulinelanyardiganSarcasm_Inc_ImnotreallynateFavstar_NSFWlemon_buttonsShurtlieff
  • bklynMF
     
    M.F. @bklynMF

    I don't have to do shit. RT @huffingtonpost: You have to watch the latest "Comedians In Cars" with @pattonoswalt  http://huff.to/1cKk67s 

    • 156
    • FAVS
    shephsmMetcalf19CephursDorotheaBooksDanPringleXsource_decayevanlewis91jrbones77
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    bcfreezin__SineadMccourtbellejustplainatomChrisBurden28Dubbs29comedyfilmguyBLanj
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Being put on the stand to tell of one's sexual abuse is horrifying. Those in the Sandusky trial are heroic. As is any victim testifying.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    BeerhazeGarbageMysticnavanaxjumpdasharkDanKCharnleyBeauGBolleLwe19krystletips
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    falcontorpedoCrow_feathersMichaelSwansonbitboxwakelymthatsjackstoyouSperosmdigerat
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Book Fact: The original title of "The Da Vinci Code" was "I Know What You Did, Last Supper".

    • 69
    • FAVS
    vladchocsprageux______IanWearsPantsJojieRookarateslutsStaceyCantwellTopSecretPlanjimthenickel
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Skunkwaddatsunfreak_Stace_CadetlisiemichellelanyardigangeneralphlintFavstar500Favscurq
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    I have to stop practicing my karate moves while peeing.

    • 66
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkDanKCharnleyLilbyrdyPeachCoffinlollersCATEs______dishinyourbellyMmeLaCroozBigBBanter
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favspizzlemymizzlemeesh_le__________Evilbunnies66omgitsleesa__________primawesome
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    If I get killed by that falling satellite, I'm gonna sue the shit out of space.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    BeerhazejumpdasharkDanKCharnleyCVTBabyReelQuinnPeachCoffinKendragardenllvvzz
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    CVTBabyJenaciousxD______Pita3722kylieann101McGoo298Bimbo_JohnsonBinhtotheDoanmotleytoast
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Stupid Facebook. It won't let me change my relationship status to "Been doin' it with some gross chicks".

    • 59
    • FAVS
    CVTBabyIanBallsjumpdasharkAGirlNamedSuzMykaFoxReelQuinndishinyourbellyMmeLaCrooz
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsreinaKATTxshhhmegs__________ButtonsPusher____
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Fun American Idol drinking game: Drink a ton, don't watch American Idol.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    IanBallsjumpdasharkGarbageMysticMykaFoxdishinyourbellyecinedMandyNoPantsparaluno
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    CHanglon23___Katerina____ThisIsLuiICONicGirlLove____FlyBoyHooplatop_tw_funnymatthewgeigerk_barrow
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    This screeching cat outside my window is either horny or wants to fight. Either way, I'm gonna go out and give her what she wants.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    BeerhazeGarbageMysticjumpdasharkblazersfantasydishinyourbellyecinedMandyNoPantsparaluno
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    bc0203blazersfantasyMatt_Larrycybervagrant______haurdCiderleesmf____________
    haurdCider
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    #westoppedtalkingbecause I farted in your dog's face and you so overreacted.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkMVasilatos____whoremackerika_marie17favstar_poplippidydoodahiheartmjforeverdonni
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    P4iG3_______kennedyyounggidgafUrAwkward__420LuxRaaeesaaEmilyy_meow__marywilkinson57RealJade_MK
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Lederbrosen before lederhosen.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkrrayomePeachCoffinDallyDollKimpulsesxeyednpainless____asshat33__________dishinyourbelly
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    rrayomeTheHorzydishinyourbelly
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    You know those stickers on prescription bottles that say not to mix with alcohol? You can peel those things off.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    IanBallstheCVRCaissiedaemonic3ganja_turtlefr0wn_mungofrench______theewren
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    j10alexanderJayJazzifavstar_popGarbageMysticLeeGuseZaerion_RachelMarie_mbonfiglio2000
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    "In like a lion, out like a lamb."--guy with a strange diet and even stranger digestive system

    • 23
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkdishinyourbellyMandyNoPantskramedigglesparalunoOngoingBSKayM77ohx0
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    pavlova3ohx0HeatherIRL__11HEfavstar_poprafeahmedMalePerson__Miss_Var
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Fact: Larry King wears those suspenders to hold up his balls.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    IanBallsjumpdasharksaraswisher______Kimpulsesasshat33__________dishinyourbellyecinedMandyNoPants
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    dishinyourbellySLMNRZNTLCodensteinomgitsleesa__________
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Q: Why do religious people make bad DJs?
    A: They take the Sabbath off.
    #metal #jokes #metaljokes #goodtimes

    • 17
    • FAVS
    chadhartiganFakeDavidFricketwoheadedbahRileyRBurrTheChrisRinaldilucyfrancesImPlanetMarsFancylad22
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    FakeDavidFrickeImPlanetMarsFancylad22DaveHimslefKarmic_MishapnomadicdogmomshartthrobJayMDay
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Fact: Buddy Holly originally wrote the lyric "wee-ooh I look just like Buddy Holly", but realized it was obvious and never recorded it.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkdishinyourbellyMandyNoPantsparalunoOngoingBShaurdCiderReelQuinngrantpa
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Re: Sandusky, do not wish prison rape. Rape of any kind is an abomination. And we should never cheer for the extralegal. Law serves reason.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    GarbageMysticjumpdasharktyschalterdonniCathDoesMathTurboGrandma
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    shinydistractnsRevieloutionnenhradarFightNightatJoetyschaltermerr1dewNickRobertson10yoyology
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Crime theory: OJ Simpson and Robert Wagner watched Strangers On A Train together on the set of The Towering Inferno.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    JFKsShinyTeethjumpdasharkwnmrgnomgitsborisbulletproofQpidxbhaskarxDarconvilletop_trend_world
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    lucdaring69bulletproofQpidDarconvilletop_trend_worldJamesKGrayIIIcoleherbertpjdolandKingOfMars
  • bklynMF
      M.F. @bklynMF

    Why the moon gotta be all waning gibbous tonight?

    • 19
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkAGirlNamedSuzMikeDiPrisconikkiloweryspaterpeterSelenaCoppockfathertoreyPaxochka
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    cajuntexasmomFearMrDavisfathertoreyniiklalametaphorjunkieJRehling
@bklynMF

@bklynMF

My grandfather invented Nerf. I sit and collect residuals.