I like my tits more than you do.

Bring me a beer and sex.

For fucks sake, just ask to take me home already.

This day blows more than I do. That's saying a lot.

I don't know if I'm good at sex, but I always end up satisfied.

I want to taste me on your lips.

Fool me once, get the fuck out .

Dammit. I want summer back.

It's been a long time!

I hate being out of town by myself on holidays, but the money is nice! Natural disasters pay for my shoe addiction! :)

There is no greater love than knowing that no matter what decisions I make, and no matter what I do, I am loved.

@thesulk I think I remember reading this somewhere else @token_geezer . Fucking thief

Happy. pic.twitter.com/7XEBVGwo

I haven't had sex in like 3 hours. :(

I have a friend who gets drunk on Saturday nights then teaches kids at church on Sundays not to drink. Fuck that. Be you and quit faking.

Gawd, I stayed up too late last night. Coffee's not gonna cut it today.

Fuck working on a weekend. Fuck you in the fucking face.

It's freaking cold outside.

If the frustrations of your life continually come from the same people...remove them! Problem solved. Move on.

@robdelaney I wish you spent the last two years inside of me. :(