@blaine23's most faved Tweets...
I think most people underestimate how difficult it is to round up, much less organize insane clowns into one cohesive posse.
In our nation's darkest hour. When confused voices cry out for justice. When we need it the most.
That's when the McRib knows to come back.
That's when the McRib knows to come back.
I don't care what the road to hell is paved with. I'm much more concerned about the fact that we have a road to hell in the first place.
Dividing my Facebook friends into easy to manage lists. So far I've only got one guy under "Dead Hooker Cleanup Team."
My wife just got her $22 check for jury duty. We're still arguing over which class of yacht best fits our recreational needs.
I wouldn't say "sexually harrassed." My boss was right. My shoulders were tense. And it really was too warm in his office to wear pants.
The best thing about hitting the Twitter update button is immediately realizing at least 15 better ways you could have written something.
"Our love is more rare than a NM copy of Incredible Hulk 180, which introduced Wolv-"
Shit. I've already ruined this wedding vow, haven't I?
Shit. I've already ruined this wedding vow, haven't I?
Wife's eating two year old Nutella from the back of the pantry. A spirit guide should show up soon to ease her through the vision realm.
I'm sorry. I know Taco Bell doesn't have "I hate myself so much" sauce. That just slipped out. No, I'm okay. Where were we? Oh. Mild.
You need to give up the pacifier. I know, but you're too emotionally- Hey! That's Daddy's iPhone. COME BACK HERE! I NEED THAT! PLEEEEASE!
Wow. Really, WOW.
Has cubicle fabric always felt this amazing on my bare nipples?
Or did I put too much ecstasy in my coffee this morning?
Has cubicle fabric always felt this amazing on my bare nipples?
Or did I put too much ecstasy in my coffee this morning?
Just dialed 1-900-MIX-A-LOT. Got a call center in India. Luckily, Mr. Patel is confident he can assist me with kicking these nasty thoughts.
Is there a timesheet code for "hitting the spacebar every 10 minutes so the computer doesn't go into sleep mode?"
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