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Apparently drunkenly walking up to tables at a pie place, pointing at myself and saying "who here ordered a Cutie Pie?" is only funny to me.
Here's a video of @toddglass making fun of @jakefogelnest for getting into a Lincoln Town Car. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVngY3Vfpso …
The body of award-winning author @toddglass was found unconscious in his Beverly Hills mansion after an apparent pussy overdose. He was 29.
My sister just non-ironically tweeted an Uncle Kracker quote, so the Wexler family is in full PR damage control mode right now.
"The only red carpet I wanna walk on is that Jessica Chastain's!" -probably someone's awful uncle. #oscars
The last time two brothers coached against each other in the super bowl was when Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy did it in 2007.
I once met a girl from Boston who's accent was so strong I thought she was deaf.
"Bro I miss college." -someone who isn't doing well. "Bro I miss high school." -someone who is doing worse.
Romney said he only wrote a victory speech. Here comes what will forever be known as the greatest improv show of all time. #election2012
Just needlessly cut off a Smart Car on the freeway, because I could think of literally zero consequences for doing so.
Christmas isn't until tomorrow, and people are already playing fucking Christmas music.
Comedians who date other comedians aren't in a relationship, they're in a bit.
"Behind the Candelabra" is a million times better if you pretend that Michael Douglas and Matt Damon are playing themselves.
TRY THIS: Ask someone who their celebrity doppelgänger is. Then immediately laugh and say, "yeah ok" before they can answer.
"If you look 'effeminate' up in the dictionary, Blake Wexler would scamper up to it and spill White Zinfandel all over it." - @chipchantry
Comedian, young man. Impeccable manners, despicable mannerisms.
