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Had a great dinner at the C*****r Barrel
My head is just a periscope for my stomach.
It is truly easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your facebook page.
I love self-deprecating humor. I just wish I was better at it.
I love to do the lord's work (judging)
Dubstep is the rhythm Gloria Estefan was trying to warn us about.
Guy asked me where I got my green eyes. Great! Now I have to explain what the Vikings did when they got to Sicily.
Yes, Firefox. I will abort the script but only to save the life of the web page.
Some people have the calm before the storm. I have the panic before the nothing.
Sometimes when I'm alone I practice my depression commercial stare.
The carpet matching the drapes doesn't matter when the house is condemned.
I'm proud of Kim and Kanye. They didn't just pick a name, they picked a side in the Civil War.
When I have to watch an ad before an article will load, I just pretend it's being microwaved.
Have been stopped in my tracks trying to figure out why they wear hard hats at the Honey Bunches of Oats factory.
Sign at the gas station: "Bathroom is no longer available." I can't believe it. Even the Shell bathroom has someone.
My stock options are chicken or beef.
I want the Mac loading icon to do that over my nipples.
Obama! Tell us the truth about Fugazi!
Day to day I struggle with the divide between Art Garfunkel and Commerce Garfunkel.
Sometimes a comedy show isn't free enough.
funny but not insurance commercial funny http://favstar.fm/users/blaudiablogan