@blindsquirrel42's (Big Mexican Dinner) most faved Tweets...
One perk of attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings by correspondence is I don't have to share my beer with those pathetic drunk assholes.
14
There should be a device in every home that people are required to stand in front of before being allowed to go out in public. Like a mirror
7
So, it's amazing how much money I save by not paying bills. It's like I'm not even in debt! I'm rich!
4
It's so cold in my apartment that my bedroom windows fog up when I masturbate.
Ok, I'm lying...those are actually my kitchen windows.
Ok, I'm lying...those are actually my kitchen windows.
4
I think it's time to get my cholesterol checked. I just cut my thumb and I think I'm bleeding bacon grease.
4
la·zy (lā'zē), adj.
1. Resistant to work or exertion; disposed to idleness.
2. Unwilling to move a foot and a half to plug in my laptop.
1. Resistant to work or exertion; disposed to idleness.
2. Unwilling to move a foot and a half to plug in my laptop.
4
I follow so many strangers on Twitter. It feels a little bit like stalking...except I can stay on the couch and don't need to wear pants.
3
I don't qualify to contribute to trending topics because I can spell, understand grammar, type in complete sentences, and have self respect.
3
Dear Obamacare Death Panel, When you decide it's my time, can you make the beginning of the month? I really hate paying rent.
3
Dude was talking about eating rabbit. I couldn't help but ask how he keeps their feet from tapping him on the cheeks while he's doing it.
2
My liver has been honored for his courage & perseverance. The Queen has dubbed him a Knight. He shall henceforth be known as Sir Rhosis.
2
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