@blobert's (Stretch Bootcut) most faved Tweets...
I've learned two important lessons today:
1) Never throw a $100 boomerang
2) Never buy a $100 boomerang
1) Never throw a $100 boomerang
2) Never buy a $100 boomerang
This is my vagina, there are none like it, and if you ever want to see it again, quit fucking around on Twitter and mow the lawn. --wife.
Look, this is just a big misunderstanding. If you stop swinging that bat, I’ll tell you why I was licking your bathroom window.
The doctor insisted that a thorough prostate exam was in order but I couldn’t help but wonder if this was normal orthodontic procedure.
I distract wife with “You’re beautiful today” then ask to buy stuff.
Wife distracts me with boobs. Can’t remember what happens after that.
Wife distracts me with boobs. Can’t remember what happens after that.
I just wanted the doctor to look at my chest warts but, sure, I’ll put my shirt back on.
Stupid restaurant.
Stupid restaurant.
My heart goes out to Michael Jackson’s mortician. If a team of plastic surgeons couldn’t make MJ more lifelike, what chance has he got?
Why are you so offended, telemarketing lady. You did ask “what would you like to get from your long distance service provider?”
Who ever came up with “choking my chicken” never saw my grandpa choke chickens. There’s no coming back from that.
I’m not lazy. Now go fetch daddy his diaper-changing robot before I whack you with my Twinkie-grabbing wand.
Did you know: If you turn your LCD screen upside-down, the green drains away from the avatars, revealing naked people.
One day, Twitter buddies we are gonna get together for a big laugh. Followed by a hot orgy. Well, that’s how I sketched it on this napkin.
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