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...on a scale of one to "Adobe installer update", how needy are you?
You call it "stalking", I call it "research".
All a girl really wants to hear are those 3 little words.....
"I've got this."
I want an epic romance… because anything else seems like a waste of time.
To Young Girls Everywhere:
Either the short skirt OR the low cut top
Either the dark lips OR dark eyes
Try it. You'll thank me.
Handsome Men: There are plenty of mediocre looking men willing to put forth the effort which is way sexier then a handsome man who doesn't.
My house is never as clean as when I have company.
Also, my children are never as confused as when the house is cleaned for company.
My ex used to sing "Brown Eyed Girl" to me....
I have blue eyes. This should have been a sign.
Chocolate and men.
....oh, and wine.
...and shoes.... and.... - can I start over?
Kid: "You're so manipulative, it's almost mean".
I prefer Jedi Master, but whatever.
I'm in love with so many of you!
....it's like I have a REAL love life except I don't have to shower or brush my teeth!
I think of myself as "Upper-Middle Maintenance".
The Perfect Man will possess the strength to carry you to bed in times of passion or exhaustion; and the wisdom to know the difference.
My decision to have kids was based solely on the fact that I was so tired of seeing movies in their entirety & craved constant interruption.
My iPhone is updating, so I'm tweeting from my laptop, the way the pilgrims used to.
You guys are the worst therapists, ever.
I have some pretty amazing men in my life (my son), so I refuse to bash them. Please remember, it's the individual, not the gender.
...hypothetically..... What happens when the wine DOESN'T make everything better?
Switch to Vodka? Got it.
*waits for a sign*
*dead bird falls from sky*
*waits for another, better sign*
What did I ever do before Twitter...
Right. Was a productive member of society.
Distracted by shiny things. IG _BlondeCalamity_ https://t.co/0NEzg0gyJp
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