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...on a scale of one to "Adobe installer update", how needy are you?
You call it "stalking", I call it "research".
All a girl really wants to hear are those 3 little words.....
"I've got this."
I want an epic romance… because anything else seems like a waste of time.
To Young Girls Everywhere:
Either the short skirt OR the low cut top
Either the dark lips OR dark eyes
Try it. You'll thank me.
Handsome Men: There are plenty of mediocre looking men willing to put forth the effort which is way sexier then a handsome man who doesn't.
My house is never as clean as when I have company.
Also, my children are never as confused as when the house is cleaned for company.
My ex used to sing "Brown Eyed Girl" to me....
I have blue eyes. This should have been a sign.
Chocolate and men.
....oh, and wine.
...and shoes.... and.... - can I start over?
Kid: "You're so manipulative, it's almost mean".
I prefer Jedi Master, but whatever.
I'm in love with so many of you!
....it's like I have a REAL love life except I don't have to shower or brush my teeth!
I think of myself as "Upper-Middle Maintenance".
The Perfect Man will possess the strength to carry you to bed in times of passion or exhaustion; and the wisdom to know the difference.
My iPhone is updating, so I'm tweeting from my laptop, the way the pilgrims used to.
My decision to have kids was based solely on the fact that I was so tired of seeing movies in their entirety & craved constant interruption.
*waits for a sign*
*dead bird falls from sky*
*waits for another, better sign*
You guys are the worst therapists, ever.
I have some pretty amazing men in my life (my son), so I refuse to bash them. Please remember, it's the individual, not the gender.
...hypothetically..... What happens when the wine DOESN'T make everything better?
Switch to Vodka? Got it.
I’m a huge catch..
...if you’re into domestically challenged, financially unfortunate, aging, single mothers.
The line starts here, Guys.
Distracted by shiny things. Instagram: _BlondeCalamity_ https://twitter.com/search/from:blondecalamity http://favstar.fm/users/blondecalamity
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