thinking of getting a vine account. is tarzan taken?

In spite of what the DJ made it seem like, I am in no way associated with the "Party People" he was addressing earlier.

Crazy idea: Instead of making 100s of laws to protect unborn children, maybe GOP politicians could work on 1 or 2 to protect actual children

Anyone know which episode of How It's Made is the one about babies?

This bag of dicks is a little on the light side.

I think the Terminator movies got it all wrong. The machines aren't out to kill us. They're out to make us all dumber.

I keep fit by running away from uncomfortable social interactions.

That Snowden don't quit!Personally, I'd rather be spied on by Bush than Obama. If someone had to read your e mails, wldn't U pick the idiot?

*This is your brain
*This is your brain on drugs (brain is dancing around having a good ol' fucking time)

I'm starting to think Johnny Depp's entire career is just one long audition for Ru Paul's Drag Race.

If you always give in and say yes people will treat you like shit when you say no.

Just by simple word-association, you'd think more guys would be enthusiastic about cats.

Don't let thoughts get in the way of your body's way of thinking.

Shower the people you love with love. Shower the people who piss you off with pee.

*Drinks wine on patio, adds 'outdoorsy' to dating profile*

I just filled grandma's colostomy bag with pop rocks. And now, we wait.

Michele Bachmann: " #3Words repeal Obamacare"

Breaking news: my mums favourite vase.

Ozzy Osbourne has moved back home with Sharon. Man, he's gonna be so happy when he finds out.

This subway employee must be an ex-porn star because he just used the mayo to bukkake my sandwich