@blondediva11's recently favourited tweets

@blondediva11

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@blondediva11's recently faved Tweets...

My last boyfriend was sexual facepalm.

@blondediva11

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People complain about things being "half-assed", but if I was, I'd still have a decent one.

@blondediva11

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Whoa. After last night "screen shot" has a whole new meaning.
And impressive.

@blondediva11

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Friday night is heating up. I'm watching Ghost Whisperer and have lost my will to live.

@blondediva11

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"Hang in there, Baby." Except mandy in accounting-you should go to HR.
#cruellyspecificofficeposter

@blondediva11

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Friday night. Home alone. That means one thing: sex with someone I love.

@blondediva11

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Friday came so quickly. It was like my last boyfriend.

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Way to greet me with a headache, Friday. Who died and made you an asshole? You think you're Monday or something?

@blondediva11

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I tried watching the "Marriage Ref", but then I remembered I could go get a root canal. YAY!

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I'd loaf a piece of bread right now. I know it's a crumby pun. No need to get crusty.

@blondediva11

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The thunder down under: the sound of my boyfriend shitting after five burritos.

@blondediva11

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Happy Birthday @everydaydude This dude abides.

@blondediva11

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I don't think they should probe all these guys caught in gay sex scandals. I mean, wouldn't that be catering to their proclivities?

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I gotta find that person who is always shitting bricks because I want to build an outhouse.

@blondediva11

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They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. And the nose is the door to snot?

@blondediva11

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He said I had lips like cherries & cheeks like roses. I left him because I don't like being compared to a fruit & flower stall.

@blondediva11

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My will to live was making me look fat, so I lost it.

@blondediva11

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I'm suing all blondes. It's obvious they've copied my look to further their careers and/or sex lives.

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@blankslate They'd go well with black leather chaps. ♥

@blondediva11 in reply to blankslate

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If your surname is Dumpty, don't name your kid Humpty. I mean, seriously.

@blondediva11

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