@blueyesbrunet's (Danielle) most faved Tweets...
My children are the most expensive pets I've ever owned. But you never know when you're gonna need a kidney.
A patient left her unruly son unattended in waiting room. I’m letting him play with our defibrillator. Clear.
If I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.
I hate watching a woman scream at her husband in public. But it's not a proper emasculation without a witness.
5yr old runs into the house screaming "There's bees outside. The flying kind not the letters!" I'm so glad he clarified.
The computer is saying it can't see the printer. I turned the monitor to face it but it's still not working.
A kid told his teacher he doesn't wear underwear "just like his mommy."I bet that mom feels really bad about myself.
The best thing about taking a break from dating is never having to worry if my shoes match my douchebag.
I carry a magnum size condom in my purse like a modern day glass slipper. Some day my prince will come.
5yr old knocked over a display at the coffee shop and blamed his younger brother. He's destined for middle management.
My son is kicking the back of my seat. I think he's sending me a message in Morse Code. It says "Please Spank Me"
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