Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Girls save batteries.
Use a penis.
When I said FUCK ME, I meant physically not emotionally.
Flash me your wits.
Emo kids, why so sad.
Wait until you hit 40.
Kiss me every day with all your heart, and you will have me forever.
Went to the dollar store and bought a whole bunch of sticky stars, putting on my monitor right now. So who needs favstar.
Trust me love is not all you need.
There are some that wear their hearts on their sleeve, those are the ones you hold tight and love them forever.
Proving my wife wrong for 589 days.
Related: No sex for 588 days.
GPS will never find funky town.
Thank you twitter for showing me that there are other people suffering the same delusions like me, so where do I sign up for the drugs.
Pet rocks are not very interactive, but they are 100% effective when you throw them at your annoying co-workers.
It's strange that a woman will forget where they parked the car, but will remember a detail from 20 years ago for an argument.
The secrets we hide.
The masks we wear.
The lies we say.
The truths we keep.
If you don't mean it, then don't say it.
Fuck the sandwich, someone give me a hug.
I think I'm in a category that doesn't exist.
My wife keeps hitting the snooze button on my cock.
While my doctor was giving me a prostate exam, he stopped and said "tada look no hands"
Stupid doctor trying to be a magician.