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Sorry guy who wrote Streetcar Named Desire, but Serena is the most tennisy Williams.
"I have never read poems and started writing them 9 months ago and now I want $40,000" Before Kickstarter we would just murder this guy.
Grand Theft Auto is great cause it lets me live out fantasies society won't let me(driving around in an ice cream truck listening to reggae)
I hope noone in Africa busy repaying their Kiva loans ever sees Kickstarter. "Money for an album about Dr. Mario? They pay it back right?"
A good ad for touchscreen laptops would be "Are you a baby and you have to touch everything, like a baby? Go ahead you baby, touch + buy it"
Today I saw someone wearing the exact kind of jacket I have been looking for, and it was a dog, and this isn't the first time.
[alarm rings][wakes up] Okay time to find out what we’re all inordinately mad about today [launches twitter] Oh man yeah that real bad
Just saw an ad for gluten-free cat food. I don’t think my cat is allergic to gluten. For one thing he doesn’t talk about gluten all the time
I used to follow Girl Talk, but all his tweets were just half a rapper's tweet and half an indie band's tweet stuck together
Yeah I guess I'm a social media expert. Can I Pinterest you in some potatoes, they're very Mashable. Haha got you, I'm actually a potato man
I can’t stop thinking that there’s probably a picture of a really cool salad on Pinterest that has made more people happy than I ever will.
“It was hot - hotter than Hotmail. But Jon kept cool - he was cooler than Cool Site Of The Day”. Wow I haven’t worked on my book in a while.
What did the espresso say when the doctor asked if his throat was sore? “No i’m just a little coughy.”
If you retweet a tweet that I also retweet, we are retweet buddies, for life.
I don't know what the Robb Report is but if it's the Robb who punched me in a cafeteria once in the 90s, I hope the report is he's dead.
For my next trick, I will turn you into an e-reader: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hahahahahaha classic plz RT
Just saw the vid of Rob Ford saying "Eat her pussy". He looked down at his notes just before saying it. It was a talking point he wrote down
I am a writer, and I consider my tweets, and my Twitter bio, to be my masterwo