Me flirting: I really like your sentence structure.

I have too many ex's in the equation of my life, but even more whys.

Stop acting like you actually know the right way to use the word whom.

So, I counted and you had 4 more characters to spare and you still left it as "ur"

I've never held a newborn baby, but I have held a new MacBook. I'd say they're comparable.

New life goal: always keep my IQ above my weight.

A promise ring?! As in you promise to emotionally scar me and ruin my perception of love? Awesome, I wear size six. ;)

When an 11 year old calls you out on your relationship issues, you know it's serious.

I don't mean to be a bitch.. and I also didn't mean to start this sentence with a lie.

I feel it's way more important to know there's no "a" in definitely rather than to know there's no "i" in team.

Since I'm socially awkward in most situations, true awkward moments are a breeze.

I've reached a new low. At the Apple Store I left my twitter profile up on a couple of those iPads.

The quickest way to my heart is to just give up because I don't have one.

They're size zero. As in zero chance of me ever fitting into them again.

Can we just let karma pay you back? I'm running a little short on cash..

You've memorized the point value of scrabble letters? We'll get along just fine.

Who needs a boyfriend when you have wifi and wine?

Thank the god particle it's friday!

Awkward as fuck. Until Vodka.

How do u factory reset your life