Yeah I don't think I'll ever get married again. I like sex too much.

It's a beautiful day to shut the fuck up.

Marriage: the reason I'm not married.

I love these bitches on twitter. It's like finding your long lost sister. Or mother.

Kiss me gently. Touch me softly. Bang me roughly.

This is fucking twitter people. Be yourself, or stay home and be a loser.

Theres always a reason to "look up" when you have a cock in your mouth.

It was very thoughtful of you to put a pillow under your desk, but I already brought my knee pads.

Weed:
keeping me off the hard shit for 3 years. And, putting me in a better mood since 1990. (ish) ;)~

The cool thing about twitter is how we are a connected network of sick fucks. Now I've had my std tests, your turn.

So I'm told water works better for hangovers than coke or meth.


What a rip.

Fuck. I'm so tired I could sleep with Justin Beiber. Or, hold his head down and tell the poor boy it's gonna be ok.

Under water.

Sperm banks don't like me. I eat all their inventory.

There is nothing taboo on twitter.
I'm just another sick fuck, along for the ride.

I'm not going to convince you, but FYI:

I'm tight as fuck, great at sucking cock and will drink your ass under the table.

All the time.

It's very inspirational to meet so many strong women on twitter. You have to admit, keeps the cock hard.

I'm never going to apologize for my bad grammar or horrible sick disgusting tweets. I know my followers are going to hell with me anyway.

Drunk tweets are coming people. Be prepared.

I'm so negative today. Time to fill the glass half full with vodka.

So I'm going to play an Irish drinking game. Going out without green on. First person who pinches me is getting fucked.