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  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    My neighbor just confronted me about panties missing from the laundry room. I almost crapped her pants.

    • 614
    • FAVS
    ndresfmBeware83_dirtyCDNbitchgneiccoBDGarpLavenderpants_jennjenn4boding
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    helloimvikingoGarreTheFerretshimmfesselMattFiske31__LorenzoZaniratocdnshrekunderyourbed666Vodka_Tits
    Carmel_ColemanGetbentLAExxtraMedium
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Remember when pushing a fully clothed person into the pool was funny? You know, before everyone was carrying a $700 phone.

    • 329
    • FAVS
    MacKoolioGarreTheFerretDSLikesItMsLighthouseCatJP_theAntiHerodirtyCDNbitchgneicco4boding
    • 234
    • RETWEETS
    Gy_pnnziodirtyCDNbitchVonBrutal________ME0WLIS0NMrNickJCHoneyBadger10BillieBond12Nickunfiltered
    GuiltlessNickGetbentLAAspersioncast
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Did you know that your iPad has a built in bathroom scale app? Go ahead, try it.

    • 292
    • FAVS
    gneiccoKateWhineHalljessiejoathomeDiapersorWine____Verifiedbananavirginkilla12HiJCPchronic_wisdom
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    KrazyFace1DiapersorWine____DownFrontArtistHiJCPNinaNur305theWoohooGuyabineshffhpapot
    BillMc7NotJPo
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Somewhere, Prince Harry is stuffing money with his grandmother's picture on it into a strippers g-string.

    • 182
    • FAVS
    GarreTheFerretgneicco4bodingFrozen_BrogurtMichael_MaybeFeelingMervisobi_ian_kenobicoyotedevil
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    GooseMaldonadoobi_ian_kenobiredpawn3SeeminglyChrisAlex_ArmilgrandechuckimalisonStanleyMadeThis__
    Kate_GoldsmithmarebytesNotJPo
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Just once, I'd like to see a judge take the verdict slip from the jury, look at it, and then turn and say,

    ARE YOU SHIT'N ME?

    • 229
    • FAVS
    JiminyKicksItSamBlondeCMHorrockswhathaveu1________RummyLaudedWeirdsworth__solommbBigMedwards
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    EvaBaezDipoyungsmartJaciwachiraSpazticWriterdollydaydream53kimcormackWeirdsworth__solommb
    Xalqee
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    In the interests of transparency, congressmen should wear the logos of their corporate sponsors on their suits, like they do in NASCAR.

    • 210
    • FAVS
    GarreTheFerret8rnwhite8gneiccoFRANKSTALICIOUSLakeoconeebldr____obi_ian_kenobiiiecpunkCandy_grrl
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    Lakeoconeebldr____meaculpau27SaraESpiveydetroit_etlaurenaddellInteriorGeniusfarleftcoastloveandhatela
    FlyoverJoelSuMacDan
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    The key to not crying when cutting up onions is to avoid forming an emotional bond in the first place.

    • 103
    • FAVS
    MacKoolioChampTheotheDanLawlerOhhScarlet23______PuddingBoobsquickpoopervoiredire77Aus10Carie
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    EulogianiCammyD4favstar1000favsbeatrizimsilvaTeaQueenSievieGreeneggsnSam84LoverOfComics94_RichardParry_
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    I think the other drivers are amused by my kids' "cat in a microwave" reaction when I fart with the windows locked.

    • 372
    • FAVS
    TheDreschenatorghostofdreamsCjF_NCSushiThePenguinGarreTheFerretchopper4jkLaBelleMaeCelebrityChez
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    WeirdWonderWebCarmel_ColemanFlippingtables____VonBrutal________meaculpau27NuhaTamimiiNotKarmaStorminika
    Carmel_ColemanPlatinumShower____IamBillyBatts____
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Canada geese mate for life, which explains why they fly into jet engines with regularity, apparently.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    kimberlitekanggneiccoMrFornicatorNotKarmaStorminika_wangweMistressVinaTHEPokerWife
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    suziqkelleyfussballdudeSaraESpiveyChChrChrissiiifavstar1000favsnic_EanruigRukittenmemuddz29
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Hey! Gentle. Those are anal beads. You're not starting a lawnmower.

    • 195
    • FAVS
    Arroia4bodingobi_ian_kenobiredpawn3NotKarmaStorminika_wangweseeinbees__
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    ohaubreChwitterChuckSaraESpiveydetroit_etR15S5jay_mac84LadyaArsenicstlcoryw__________
    carpeJosephtrialfemme
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    I've been interrogating my dog for 2 hours and he still won't tell me who's a good boy.

    • 115
    • FAVS
    ArroiaGarreTheFerretMrFornicatorFredPollackNotKarmaefilerianoillibMitch_YNWAQueenvelly
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    fredmanglis_wangwewynnderfulSnowMan_8_Losing_MomentumATL_JackPenpalShankfavstar1000favs
    slyoung5failing_at_life
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Remember, if you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing.

    • 92
    • FAVS
    VerifiedDrunkSilentSkylerleifromloihiMacKoolioClosestThingFRANKSTALICIOUSNotKarmaCroweJam
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    MacKooliolisa298TheImmortalJashkerrialisonmatt_morefieldjjssmmiiitthhRee_Sub__heymannicesh0t
    WarrenHolstein
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.

    • 96
    • FAVS
    Carmel_ColemanpreawsaurusAnais_Lea90______surf2nite17KatherineTheMadnycedazeWildeThingyPleasantSurpriz
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    surf2nite17nycedazeWildeThingyRGronsethFeelMyGoodsimnotanybody______TheGrimKingArroia
    osigat
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Stubbed my toe on the coffee table and I may have just composed Grammy winning rap song.

    • 91
    • FAVS
    detroit_etClosestThingbrowneyegirl9DatBarberCanCutGreenheadsOnly____DiaperSlingerchopper4jk2Squirrels1Nut
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    DominicPlantAnonCannabisword_34GodsWurdIsLaw__SaberGatoarlissilgandalfstaffJadedChains
    GarreTheFerret
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Is the first step in the Hypochondriacs Anonymous program admitting you don't have a problem?

    • 143
    • FAVS
    gneiccoDoneEffedUptate_jeff________Cpin42redpawn3NotKarmaStorminika_wangwe
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    SpudvetchCpin42temptnumber2SaraESpiveyhrturnerDan93James________el_tan_supermanfavstar1000favs
    Carmel_Coleman
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Alcohol will never solve my problems. But, then neither will milk. So, alcohol it is!

    • 76
    • FAVS
    PYWLgiraffeinatankClosestThingOne2ManyTrixLosephinezgbettyenwfiywdelhookmeupinit
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    carrieholder15giraffeinatankUl71M4nkulieyBEARFN34randii_3muffinlovinmanlammunge
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    Wife said, "It wouldn't kill you to do a load when then hamper is full." So I bought a bigger hamper. Just in case she was wrong.

    • 270
    • FAVS
    gneiccoPippersheenJuan_IncognitoyazeuaxGaben8tr__________FRANKSTALICIOUSFrozen_Brogurtobi_ian_kenobi
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    StephenBCramermeaculpau27trixiebones72mochanyaSacamanoBFavstar250pizzajaynowMontagueBrench
    pizzajaynow
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    The only time kids think before they speak is when they are about to tell you a lie.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    JoeMunstermanemsykayviolet_heartinsemiquakerAdAltaAdAstrajuniper6cotemamabyrd21WiseCrackerSoup
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    emsykayviolet_heartinJasonTheDadsemiquakermochanyafavstar1000favsBigBec43ohmygoshno
    MrFornicator
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    If you bounce a check to an exorcist, do you get repossessed?

    • 144
    • FAVS
    GarreTheFerretgneiccoNotKarmaStorminikacapptaynemrt1mnerdcula_wangwe
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    django_mannerdculaAl_kioko_wangweExtremelyDivaslut_gardenfar_htmVenusManTrap22
  • boobill
      Bill @boobill

    If the movie "Taken" has taught us anything, it's that the leading cause of death for Albanian men aged 18-39 is Liam Neeson.

    • 57
    • FAVS
    MacKooliojuicymorselCroweJamBeerhazejoshingsterndetroit_etWordNonsenseWussawilla________
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    ChChrChrissiiiWordNonsenseTheLiv_Favstar500FavsPowerHourDanMcHoulihanLiz_Belmont_819Xalqee
@boobill

@boobill

Born nude and unable to provide for himself, Bill eventually overcame these handicaps enough to help two others with the same predicament.