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Everybody's got all these elaborate bongs, and glass pieces...I'm over here rollin blunts like a Cuban refugee.
Does it have scrubbing bubbles? No? Then get that weak-ass cleaner out of my bathroom, bitch.
Put my name down for your orgy, but cross me off your Group DM list.
The Fibonacci sequence just sounds like a delicious way to make pasta.
You never quite get used to things that really do scare you.
Even if you don't like to read, having a book in front of you is a great cock block against people you don't want to talk to.
*brings karaoke machine to stadium concert*
When a woman shows me her ass, I just assume they want me to know where they poop from, just in case I don't know.
Other people don't get to decide what your intentions are.
You can find me in the gastropub,
bottle full of pilsener.
When you force things, they often break.
Loving someone who will love you back shouldn't be a game of cat and mouse.
People who put effort into trying to appear 'weird' and 'crazy.'
Haven't been pushed to that point by living a real life.
I don't read the news because I have my own problems to deal with.
Making them seem smaller doesn't make them go away.
Don't filter your selfie more than your coffee.
I respect religion, political beliefs, and cultural traditions
That doesn't mean I agree with, or follow them
No matter who says I should
If cookie dough is that bad for you, then why do they put it in really delicious ice cream?
Watching 90-yr olds show off makeup and fashion right now. Never felt sloppier.
I googled 'what is fleek' & i have never felt less cool in my life & this is from someone who said 'oh Antiques Roadshow is on' to their cat