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Current status: going to vegan food store to demand bacon wrapped pork sausages.
That is how I roll bitches...
I'm new to the area here. There is a bald girl and a guy in a serious neck brace at the bar. I feel good about myself.
Anyone else think that "Drunk Assemble Something from IKEA" would be a reality show that you would watch? Beats Teen Mom.
1:30 am and I just figured how to rehang one of those 3M hooks. Fucking damn proud on that one.
Ever clean your house half drunk and wonder where shit came from? You bought it when you were half drunk.
Don't question how "Elite" I am or I'll star every damn thing you wrote w/o retweeting just to show how weak your shit is
Please tell your mother that I'm sorry for using the word "whore" in front of her. I never knew a whore could have morals?
I want to be the kind of rich person that buys a mansion with more bathrooms than bedrooms.
Did anyone check to make sure they weren't just really filming 'Harold and Kumar Escapes Malaysia' ?
Why would I break down your walls when I feel like there's nothing inside?
It takes gigantic balls to be honest
Cuz you'll get a shitload of haters
Fuck hiding behind lies
Take the beatings
Thanks to my dentist's liberal stance on narcotic use, I'm disappointed when I find out I don't have cavities
While we are social beings and want close relationships, we are also hard-wired for survival.
*Remembers being a vegetarian
You're not a real woman till you bake cookies for your man after sex.
Some people are funny.
Some people give very good blow jobs.
"Yeah, no, I just don't like you.
That's why I don't answer your calls"
*Auto Response Text
I really appreciate you.
You're fucking crazy, but I really appreciate you.
All that glitters is not my recently released rap album
Come on guys
I auto DMed you the link when you followed me