Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I shaved my ass a couple weeks ago for the first time to see if it was more cleanly, but now it feels like a hedgehog is wedged in there...
Smirnoff Ice pineapple counts as both a beverage & a fruit serving.
Sorry, I was LARPing as Papa John. Ya know, underpaying my employees, denying them benefits and doing burnouts in my bitchin' Camaro
I got a problem. My gf 'Beila' blocked me, called the cops & says she's not my gf anymore.
What kind of flowers do you think she likes?
Know what Sheila? This is bullshit. Stop leading me on and unblock me or call back.
Girl are you a dragon because I want to ride you and set my neighbor's house on fire
*writes unfiltered thoughts to everyone because Twitter made me do it*
Going to keep tweeting until I lose enough followers to make an even #. I like to think you're in pairs and not lonely losers.
Sorry I sent crazy direct messages and you had to block me, Sheila.
One time I gave a bitch flowers & she liked them. Another bitch didn't. So maybe not all bitches like the same things.
Puts away demons because there are too many fighting, needing reinforcements.
Sorry I'm saying sorry but I'm sorry.
This chained tiger in my living room is going to do wonders for my sex life
If I had to choose between family and string cheese....Its too easy
String cheese wins everytime
I speed read but sometimes I catch a tweet that touches me and I stop and read it again, slowly to absorb what the writer meant
I'd appreciate if you would use a clean knife if your gonna stab me in the back
Tip: The sweaty guy who stands by the keg all night is the date rape guy.