Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you cut off a finger it will grow back.
So I'll just be giving myself daily injections of a WD40/Icy Hot blend directly into my joints. Fuck off, winter!
Somebody made fun of my nostrils the other day
Thought they were a good size, but he probably nose better than I
I finally found a way to enjoy Facebook: don't look at that shit.
You dance with the devil with your eyes shut.
Even when youre trying not to think of something specific, all you can do is think about not thinking of something specific.
Oh boy Twitter updated to show me who faves my retweets, oh god oh lord
She makes me feel animalistic.. No longer human.
Gotta split, booty calls
Define “out of Doritos”.
Stop whatever you're doing and go look at the fucking moon
I can't wait to shut you up
"Fuck, I just bit my tongue"
- "Well, why did you do that haha?"
"Because I'm a fucking masochist, Steve"
Let's get drunk and talk about renewable energy
Being blackmailed into going to my company Christmas party this year. My only hope is that someone fatter than me dances naked first.
I learned it from watching you, in your sleep