You fuckers r weird And unsympathetic I love it

Yes I'll be the alter to your ego, but I aint takin the fall for that one Shithead---You did it, not me

Teach me to fish tomorrow ill eat for life


Show me your taco ill eat tonight

I don't always Tweet, but when I do, I do it in capital and lower case letters

I would like to nominate my cock for best supporting actor

Is it just me or do twins look alike?

If I had meat curtains you would be the wind beneath them

Attention everyone, dunk your Mcdonalds fries in their vanilla milkshake cause that is one fucking awesome taste

I didn't fuckin do it!

But I should have:(

Lying fuckers! We know your Twitter app is right next to your Facebook app

I hope you get mugged by a pack of Clowns

Pull to dispense. Lower.

You get cake or cock for dinner and we're fresh out of cake

Eat a dick! No. Don't try mine. I know your not that hungry

Your as smart as the ink in that #2 pencil

Single people are smart Remember that SINGLE people

Thought I was gonna get laid today. Wife ran off with the dog and the peanutbutter. Fuck. Here kitty kitty

Holy fuck
I have exactly 420 followers
Ok back to work

You know what the problem is with not having alot of followers is? I can only get the "The world is about to end" To a few people.

It's only Twitter fuckers! Just put your ears on and join the club!