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Just to be clear -- Don't Ask, Don't Tell was about Nickelback fans, right?
Paranormal Activity 3 made $100 million? Ok, my new Kickstarter will be for my independent film: "Keys Jingling Onscreen For 2 Hours."
Okay, THIS is easily the most ridiculous thing I've done. Thanks to @_meems for the idea. http://t.co/75xpaLdV
If people were as outraged over oil prices as they are over Netflix prices, we'd have flying cars by now.
My idea to update the "Hang In There, Kitty" poster with "Don't Fall, You Pussy" was not well received.
It's not hard to understand why God would rather hang with Greg Giraldo than Lindsay Lohan. Thanks a bunch, God.
Don't laugh when Mexican kids don't do well in Spanish class. You spent 12 years learning English and still can't use "you're" correctly.
I tried to pursue Happiness but its got evasive maneuvers like a motherfucker.
Man, why didn't we talk about arming teachers when we were busting up their unions? Those protests would have been amazing.
What if we built this city on Jazz? Would the roads just go all over the place and then just sort of end unexpectedly?
I'm pretty sure if I had the patience to write erotic fan fiction, every story's turning point would be "AND THEN THE ROCK WALKED IN."
I'm busy "liking" everything on Facebook to counterbalance all the "unliking" I do in real life.
I think I have a lot in common with the moms on Toddlers & Tiaras. I hate children, and they do too.
@malki I turned old Teen Titans and Justice Leagues in to Frankenstein Wonder Woman. http://t.co/6w8cgNZS
Apparently it's National Masturbation Awareness Month so I'll do my part by telling those that don't know: It's awesome
I can't remember if it's GLBT or LGBT, so I'm gonna start saying it's BLTG, like some sort of delicious homo bacon sandwich.
This new astrological chart situation means that now instead of stabbing you, the Zodiac Killer just wants hugs.
If you think this is terrible, you should see my Tumblr.
