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Just another day grabbing random children by the shoulders and screaming "I'M YOU FROM THE "FUTURE!" in their faces..
Papercuts are just gentle reminders that trees are still in control here. Don't fuck with trees they will cut you.
How to Succeed at World of Warcraft:
1. Don't buy or play World of Warcraft.
2. That's it. You win. Congratulations.
Whales need to get their shit together and learn to breathe underwater like everything else living in the ocean.
I can't help but feel that if Mario hadn't been taking so many mushrooms he would have found the right castle rather quickly..
I dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!
Tim Burton and Johnny Depp should probably start seeing other people.
I wont play GI Joes with my nephew until he learns to play it right. He's 4 years old, he should know better than to drag Vader into this.
Find a penny, pick it up, and all the day you'll forget about it and eventually it'll end up in your dryer making a lot of noise.
I'm starting to think my whole problem is that I'm still 'it' from a game of tag I played back in 1988.
Gatorade for breakfast. You're an alcoholic.
How did we all figure out that blowing into Nintendo cartridges worked pre-internet? We were total little kid badasses in the 80s..
GEEZ, you try to do a good deed and donate blood and then the lady is all like "Whose blood is this?!" and "How did you get it??"
I thought I just had a bad headache but according to WebMD I'm a conjoined twin slowly dying from jaundice.
I feel the most idiotic when I bump into a mannequin at a store and then apologize immediately after.
Live life with no regrets. Just gret everything once and move on.
Cats are fucking adorable the internet needs more cats.
Dance like nobody's watching, love like no one can give the authorities a helpful description, stalk like there's no restraining order..
Can't decide on whether to take the DeLorean or the Tardis to lunch yesterday.
Life really starts to go downhill once you realize you don't have enough fingers to say "this many" with when asked your age..
You seem to have a good sense of humor but you're the only one that gets it. - my mom.