@brandius' (Brandi) most faved Tweets...
I was born to fight vikings.
...Nah, just kidding. I was born because my mom forgot to take her birth control.
...Nah, just kidding. I was born because my mom forgot to take her birth control.
12
Im fine dining with my mother. Shes mortified that I typed 'vagina' on twitter.
Wait, brb. She wants a pic of her penis shaped potatoes.
Wait, brb. She wants a pic of her penis shaped potatoes.
8
If you're going to think with your penis, then I feel justified in punching you in said organ when you do.
6
My neighbor got drunk last night and told me she would pay for my birth control because she doesn't want me to have kids either. Bless her.
5
Being married is going to be great. Though I will have to teach children to only call me by my first name.
My last name is my slave name.
My last name is my slave name.
5
OH MAN. I HIGHLY RECCOMEND APPLYING VICKS VAPORUB TO YOUR EYES. THIS IS AWESOME. I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME.
4
Pretending to be a shark during my childhood years is why I have bad posture as an adult.
And why I attack people in open waters.
And why I attack people in open waters.
4
Jesus likes unicorns. When he died, he took them all with him. That's why there aren't any left *on earth*.
Play on, unicorns.
Play on, unicorns.
4
I don't care what my fiance says. I'm going to be a gangster rapper. He knew that when we started this relationship.
4
I believe that everyone has the ability to create/design something beautiful.
But I dont think you have a beautiful baby. Try a new medium.
But I dont think you have a beautiful baby. Try a new medium.
3
By end of day today, I will have easily spent over $4,000. And no, none of it was for the wedding.
Excuse me while I go puke.
Excuse me while I go puke.
3
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