Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Coldplay is great music for people interested in masturbating really slowly while they cry.
Size doesn't matter if she's unconscious.
I always pretend I'm Magneto when I walk through doors that open automatically.
My favorite hobby is drinking alcohol.
I'm just going to start using Twitter to talk about my feelings. First up, I feel like getting violently drunk.
I don't always pee the bed but when I do I shit it as well.
MTV should change '16 and Pregnant' to 'I've Loved Dick Since I was 12'.
My house smells like a slice of pizza had unprotected sex with a can of Four Loko.
Oh, you're a vegan? Cool. Yeah, let's not hang out because I know what you're going to talk about all the time and fuck you.
Throwing up mid-blowjob is a nice way of saying you're enjoying it too.
Can you tell by my tweets that my father left my mom while she was pregnant with me?
Those #teamfollowback idiots are the Jehovah's Witnesses of Twitter.
Bacon tastes like shit. You're all faggots. I hope you get cancer. #twittermeltdown
I'd suck a dead guy's dick through the drive-thru window of an Arby's if someone would kindly retweet this for me.
Can one of you bros come at me, please?
People that manually retweet and add a "LOL" to your tweet are the Jehovahs Witnesses of Twitter.
Quick! Can you get a girl #pregnant if she's unconscious?
I'm very self absorbed. Vegetarian. Four Loko. Shit. Jew. I make videos. Llama. Vicodin. Show your tits.