And I just fell in love with Siri. http://t.co/L62GqKNR

And Obama just reassured his election.

Mysterious missile launch off the coast of California explained.. http://i.imgur.com/wUmCy.jpg

$1000 for a Netbook? No thanks, Apple.

"Daddy, daddy, why is Justin Bieber so pale?" "Because, son, there's no sun in the closet."

Speeches should be like girl's skirts. Short enough to keep your interest, but long enough to cover everything.

Please don't be $4000

If only those guys Ray Lewis killed were here to see this.

You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out someone else's shower.

"Wanna play rape?" "No" "That's the spirit.."

Retweet if you're awesome.

“Do not consume with alcohol” is just a suggestion, right? Like the speed limit?

The fact that "airplane mode" doesn't turn your phone into an airplane is bullshit.

The bitch got away with it. America: Where you go to jail for smoking pot but go free for murdering your daughter.

http://i.imgur.com/KDssc.jpg

Prepare to laugh your fucking ass off. http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lgb/ele/2306137099.html

“Hey dude can you open my 40 for me because I put on lotion earlier” -@juliankoontz

Destiny's Child AND Justin Timberlake have albums coming out this month. 2013 feels a lot like 2003.

Kim Jong Il couldn't handle the Dexter finale.

Westboro church will picket Steve Jobs' funeral. I hope whatever hell they believe in, they burn in it.