Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
"Show us your sources!" - bunch of drunk, rowdy academics at Mardi Gras
"I'm RIGHT HERE." - the clitoris
I hate when you're like, oh that tweet would've done better if I sent it at a different time or if I used all caps or if my father loved me.
In my Food Network show I get too drunk to hold a spoon, sit on the kitchen floor & try to stay conscious till my frozen pizza's done baking
Missed connection: Me: redhead with inviting smile. You: chocolate lab wanting to play but mean owner wouldnt let you. See you in my dreams.
Reading y'all's fave lists gives me new people to follow and tells me how desperate and horny you are by what shitty tweets you're starring.
when does the team take one for ME?
"This seems to be taking longer than usual." - Google / really unhelpful talking vibrator
Only difference between Twitter & high school is in HS I was just being melodramatic but my Twitter crushes actually DON'T know I exist.
I don't think so, ugly girls driving jeeps.
I mean, yeah, this wine is god-awful, but it's not like, pour-it-out-and-go-to-bed-without-drinking-the-whole-bottle awful. I mean, come on.
This vertical portion of the frame onto which a door is secured is my jamb.
On the bright side it's much easier to decide what to wear in the morning when only two pairs of pants fit.
Why yes, I AM eating for two. *lovingly pats food baby*
UGH hyperbole is seriously just the WORST THING EVER.
I dated a guy for 3 years and we only ever did 2 positions but I got his mother's peanut butter chocolate chunk cookie recipe so, worth it.
"Which of you, if you had 100 followers & lost 1, wouldnt annoy the 99 left by bitching about the 1 you lost?" -Parable of the Lost Follower
Weird how people say "My hands are tied" like that's a bad thing.
Quantum Leap w/ hair dye. Dyeing my hair again & again, seeking my real color so I can stop. Each time hoping this dye will be the dye home.
I like my men how I like my presidential election victories: decisive, substantially sized, ensuring good things in the future for my vagina