Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Obesity is at large.
Not to brag or anything, but I totally just did all the music from Mario Bros. saying only 'deuche'.
Dear Facebook: Quit being like my mom and suggesting people to be friends with.
Apparently the card I bought for the Itty Bitty Titty Club doesn't give me permission to touch itty bitty titties.
If you use a rubber glove while masturbating it feels JUST LIKE a blow up doll.
My hands are like two brothers fighting for the same girl.
Someone hacked into my Facebook and fed my goat on Farmville.
I think webcam girls really like me seeing as I'm the only one getting a special deals on signing up for their exclusive one on one service.
I like to call random people's answering machines and say 'I know you're there bitch, pick up the fucking phone!'
I like my women like I like my hot pockets - Stuffed.
It's always confusing when a mechanic offers you a rim job.
I'm beginning to think Mr. Ed was fictional.
I always hated when I was little and my drunk mom thought my crib was the toilet.
I've been saving up money so that when I die William Shatner will come to my funeral and act out my entire life.
Twitter has made such an impact on my life, I don't even have conversations that are more than 140 words anymore.
Hey buddy, if you didn't want people complimenting your dog's dick maybe you shouldn't have taken him for a walk.
My girlfriend said I threaten her, I said 'no I don't and if you say that again I'll beat the shit out of you'.
Taking the kids swimming today. I'm talking about my sperm.
My dog always eats my puke after I throw up, so I thought I'd return the favor. Related: Don't eat your dog's vomit.
Swallowing sandpaper is like swallowing sandpaper.