@briancline's (Brian Cline) most faved Tweets...
Only America would create Monopoly, a board game for all ages that teaches a business practice investigated by the justice department.
Pretty sure one of our TV meteorologists just spent seven minutes telling us he can't predict the weather.
Look on the bright side. At least you don't make your living by photoshopping "eat mor chikin" shirts onto cows.
Waking up with people on ladders outside your 3rd story window yields the shortest time between sweet dreams and DEAR GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING.
As a matter of principle, I paid the pizza guy $23 in cash tonight to disprove the statement on the box: "our drivers carry less than $20."
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When your iPhone dings 38 times during your lunch in a public place, and you don't silence it, there's a public execution for that.
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Jon Gosselin on Larry King.
Can't seem to find the "care" button on this remote. Maybe it's on the other one.
Can't seem to find the "care" button on this remote. Maybe it's on the other one.
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Driving in slow motion to increase gas mileage is way more fun when you make your own Six Million Dollar Man sound effects.
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And again when they tested new school-wide loudspeakers: "if you can't hear this, please call the front office."
(I wish I were kidding.)
(I wish I were kidding.)
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Dear neighbors doing jazzercise: your reputation called and kindly requests you shut your windows and blinds.
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I just spent four hours in detox only to realize that everyone's Twitter avatars really *are* tinted green.
Thanks for the memo, assholes.
Thanks for the memo, assholes.
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Reminds me of the small brain implosion I had in elementary school when one of my teachers said to the class, "is there anyone not here?"
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If it were me, I'd hand over $19.99 and, in response to the mugger's befuddled look, smugly point to the statement on the box. And get shot.
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