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When I shake hands with a guy, I think "At some point today, this hand touched his dick. And he probably didn't wash after." #handsanitizer
You're so full of shit your eyes are brown.
I need to invest in a rear-view mirror for my work monitor. #notjoking
You are now breathing manually. Carry on.
Baby showers. WTF? Why do I have to get you a present because you can't wear a condom?
Website idea: Explain It Like I'm Five summaries for scientific studies (with links to full study)
@champsuperstar Good news. Twitter owes you $13,000 http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/11/07/interactive-this-is-how-much-money-twitter-owes-you/ …
Dear bloggers of the world,
Less complaining, more constructive criticism. Less ranting, more stories.
Avid blog reader
Born ignorant, nude, and rather short, Brian studied and learned everything there is to know and grew to over six feet tall.