My boyfriend just told me that he loved me. Oh, wait he was talking to his Twitter account. My bad.

I have taken 3 showers today and I still can't get the whore smell out.

Today's muffin top was brought to you by the chips, brownies and half a gallon of ice cream I ate last night....FML.

No thanks, 5 Hour Energy, I'd rather have a 5 Hour Nap.

Does anyone here on Twitter know that this is a social networking site, not your life? Get over it. Nobody on here tells their real life.

After shopping today on Black Friday, I really wished I had some Flintstone's Chewable Valium.

To all he Twitter whores. Quit DMing my boyfriend. Thank you!!!!!!

Having trouble finding a job, I may have to find my next one where drinking is involved.

I thought National Cleavage Day was every day, my bad.

I think I am making today Tweet while you work day. My boss will be so pleased with my performance.

Steeler's are looking good tonight. :)

I swear you almost have to become a prostitute to make good money these days. Did I just day that out loud?

@steelers1972 I know how you men like to masturbate, but you know your girlfriend is more than able to help you with that or watch :)

@steelers1972 well, your gf says....its your turn to clean out the liter box. Your the one feeding them tuna fish as a treat. Nasty!

@steelers1972 @vagazzledchic hope you don't mind that his gf is with him. :)

I really need to get a real life, this fake one isn't working for me.

If I see one more boob pic as someone's Avi I may scream. I mean ladies come on we all have boobs, we know what they look like.

I am not feeling the Twitter love lately.

Twitter, passing off tweets you get from websites as your own. Priceless

Which personality shall I be today?

Prozac