Every 3 seconds, a girl with a pink cell phone case uses the wrong "your."

If you're over 25 and you still hate everything, that reflects very poorly on your ability to adapt.

I just watched a movie where a guy loved a girl who didn't have a perfect body and now I don't know what to believe.

Girls who misspell "veteran" on a Facebook post today should be the ones dying for our country.

Just realized I could have been laminating posters and hanging them in the shower this WHOLE TIME.

There are hundreds of billions of galaxies in our universe and I'm still saying things like, "I thought of that first."

A smile can really light up your face. Especially if you're black.

I'd like to pitch a reality show where I drive around with a cannon, shooting blankets to homeless people and call it Shootin' Blanks.

I'm tired of people assuming I'm a lesbian just because I'm single. Hasn't anyone ever heard of being impossible to love?

Just finished my first self-defense course. Now I know exactly what to do if I'm attacked in slow motion.

Say what you will about Sizzler, but at least there's nobody there taking pictures of their food.

I still don't know what dubstep is but I want it to be the way a cat walks after its feet are bandaged up from the declawing procedure.

1:46 minutes into Midnight in Paris and my aunt turns to me and says, "Where is he? Is he in Europe?"

I really look forward to PMS because it means 3 or so days of standing up for myself.

My parents' high expectations for me are pretty unfair considering they're the ones who named me Brittani.

I feel bad for home-schooled children. How will they learn to compromise their values in order to gain acceptance from their peers?

Sometimes I think I'm part of the solution, but then I realize I know all the words to the top 5 songs in America & I'm like, Nope: problem.

If you're under the impression that I'm not into morning sex, you're in for a nude awakening.

"These boots were made for Joaquin." (What I would say if my name was Joaquin and I had specially made boots)

I hate people who use the internet for vague, but pointed displays of contempt. You know who you are.