NBC Commentator: “That is not actually Batman but a British folk hero known as Del Boy. Sort of like Robin Hood…” #closingceremony

I just gave Aretha Franklin a quick ring. She's never heard of Tulisa. #xfactor

I'm glad Attenborough didn't direct Finding Nemo. "The fish has lost his father. It will inevitably die." #frozenplanet

A 7 year old's response to DC Comics sexing up her favourite superhero http://t.co/o7gsT0DA

“He’s dreadful.” > “He should resign.” > “He’s resigned.” > “He’s principled.” > “He was hounded out.” Oh Twitter, you run like clockwork.

There’s a sinister genius at work behind this Windows 95 Tips blog  http://windows95tips.tumblr.com/ 

Tomorrow's Sun headline: CONFUSED OLD MAN HARASSED BY EXPENSE CHEATS #hackgate

"Do you have children, sir?" "No but I'm Eddie Redmayne, I can impregnate women with just a smoldering look." #birdsong

That “Richard and Judy picture” is the Twitter equivalent of The Ring. We’re all going to die now.

To replicate Heaton Park, I have paid over the odds for a hot dog and hired a tramp to sing the entirety of The Stone Roses off key.

I appreciate the warnings about strobe lighting but could the BBC also let us know when Fearne Cotton is about to appear again?

I'd really appreciate it if you could spread this post about 'banter' and bullying as far and wide as possible http://t.co/sOB5pR1i

Alex is 22? He looks like a badly embalmed Victorian undertaker #apprentice

All I know is that none of this phone hacking malarkey would have happened if Hugh Grant was still Prime Minister #bbcqt #nogriponreality

Pippa Middleton is now a“Contributing Editor” at Vanity Fair. I’m appointing myself Head Unicorn at What’s The Bloody Point? magazine.

FACT: Louise Mensch can dislocate her jaw to consume mice whole #bbcqt

While you're distracted with the #royalwedding, Cameron has sold the NHS to the Chinese and Osborne has declared himself Emperor of the Moon

My favourite Guardian correction of the year: "The group Frightened Rabbi should have been the Scottish band Frightened Rabbit"

"Hello, I'm Emma Boon from the Tax Payer's Alliance. I speak for ordinary tax payers…who read the Express and hate humanity." #bbcqt

Harry M is practicing the look he'll give the Opposition in 20 years time when they disagree with his idea to tax oxygen #apprentice