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i have a new really really really awful horrible habit of calling sex "getting weinered" and "bonerizing" and I actually can't stop
why don't anarchists drink earl gray? because all proper tea is theft.
Invented a game called taco bell solitaire where you drive to tb then eat it in the parking lot by yourself
I was talkin this baby's ear off about some Bull SHit then he farted on me and we both laughed real loud maybe babies are alright
one of my kids asked me how peanut butter was made and i straight up lied about it and invented something called a "nut evisceration wheel"
look at this dumbass beautiful planet with its gay blues and fuckin greens and idiot baby animals and those tree shits
Last week a kid at camp pooped on the floor of a crowded gym during dodgeball and no one knows who it was
my freshmen think that slavery was still happening in the 1970s
reddit level misogyny. twitter level feminism.
watching a kid do karate alone in a bbq shack parking lot from the hotel window. it really is a perfect day.
Mitt Romney cares about jorbs. Mit Ramnel cares about jaerbs. Moog Romble cares about jirps.
my boyf was all proud of an email he sent the government in '04 that referenced animal farm but he called it "animal house" by accident lmao
hey william blake how you like this for some return to innocence *pulls out nutsack* *ascends to highest plane of enlightenment*
there is a place in north carolina where you can order a burger and your choices of sides include corndogs, quesadillas and other sandwiches
today i said good morning to literally over a thousand tadpoles get on my level
if you hate on baja blast i take it as a personal offense
th͝e͘ ̶ear̷t͢h an͘d̸ e͝v̶e̴r͢y̸thing̵ i̧n̢ ̧it ͜c͟an̴ f͜u̸c͠k ̕i͜t͝s ̷w҉h͜ol҉e͏ s͢elf͟