Please just stop killing people. RT @whitehouse Obama outlines a new global military strategy @ the Pentagon. Video: http://t.co/qyIxdLzK

@the_swole_nerd "Slut" is the term used to vilify women who say yes, "friendzone" is the term used to vilify women who say no.

It's a shame I won't be alive 100 years from now. Imagine how many dipping sauces we'll have by then.

Hey look, it's James "The Amazing" Randi of the @jref speaking at the #ReasonRally! http://t.co/39Yr9ihW

MUSIC NEWS: Justin Bieber comes out in favor of same-sex marriage, occult worship. "All hail gay Satan," Bieber told the press.

I believe free market principles lead to the greatest amount of prosperity for everyone. #whitepeoplesayings

lol no RT @dalailama All the major religious traditions carry the message of love, compassion and forgiveness.

The concept of the "fake gamer girl" can only exist in a culture built upon inherent distrust of women. #1reasonwhy

A list of my favorite films: http://t.co/QkYEibRd

The closest I've ever been to a menage-a-trois is me and a girl kissing a dog at the same time. #nottooshabby

lol if you aren't screaming in abject existential horror 24/7

#ripladygaga killed by the government to stop piracy of her music

99% of teenagers love 1% of the vampires. #OccupyForks http://t.co/RC6DhRNQ

RT @abcworldnews: The world is a vampire.

@skillcrush Avoid any job listing that says "Skilled," "Experienced" or "Motivated."

Reading Twitter while a major news event is happening is like turning on director's commentary for life

#lessambitiousbooks Harry Potter and the University of Phoenix

If you ever wanted to know how an atheist feels among religious people: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJRy3Kl_z5E

@lolajambola "Nice tweets. Wanna fuck?"

Who wants to come over and just watch Brittany Murphy movies and cry because we're still not over the loss