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  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Why is a school zone 15 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for perverts.

    • 87
    • FAVS
    FRANKSTALICIOUSsp3ct0rNickOBear6ispypandaHaleys_Hell______BoundlessBrosbrinomite3fi3dl3r
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    IGotsSmartsbadbadsonya______Favstar500FavsGASmithIVDctorFun__MacKoolioray12a____________ford414__________
    DctorFun__ray12a____________
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    My friend is now engaged to the first and only girl he ever fucked. Thats like your first drink of soda being "Tab" and saying,"Im good"

    • 65
    • FAVS
    Keys_ToMesirshuckyrezsaysWussawilla________lollersCATEs______GinaRitterispypandaHaleys_Hell______
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    ispypandakeenetherapyjdoutySnarkechick__Favstar500FavsayoitsDK__________tishy83Reuben_mabasa
    JoeyPositivity
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    I hate when people tell me a book is a real page turner, I know how books work.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    sp3ct0rjefftminstonNickOBear6ispypandaHaleys_Hell______me_shell415______brinomite3fi3dl3r
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    3fi3dl3rWasteddiesGodlessAndHappybaristamanFavstar500FavsCNep99____________talkingtocactusIGotsSmarts
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    The inventor of Mad Libs died today. He was Eighty Poop years old.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    sp3ct0rispypandaezeddalybrinomiteRobbyRob313GASmithIV2XSiv4UJaySuch
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    oldkimcoleGirlintheTownMichaelJerrell
    reverendtye______
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    I don't know what India's flag looks like, all I know is they should trade with Japan.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    sp3ct0rNickOBear6ezeddalybrinomite2XSiv4UJaySuchMyLongBallsIGotsSmarts
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    ray12a____________favstar_popBuckyHermitnostrallamas______Fieldychansouthbaysue
    nostrallamas______
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    They say chicks dig scars, but try telling that to the last six women I've stabbed.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    sp3ct0rNickOBear6ispypandabrinomiteTiny_SatanForTweet_Sake____lollersCATEs______b_luca____________
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ray12a____________John_Cardwell1nori_kidd________
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Hey Vegans, stop giving me shit about eating meat and I'll stop making fun of your leather shoes.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    FRANKSTALICIOUSispypandaBoundlessBros2XSiv4UDearStabbyTequilaTearsray12a____________Set_Menu
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    MizBlueBallstexas__red________BDLylefavstar_popGingerVonPaigeGASmithIVittybittycrazydishinyourbelly
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    My friend's text reads, "at fucking school."Either he is upset that he's at class or currently enrolled in the greatest school of all time.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    ezeddalyNickOBear62XSiv4UfebrezusDearStabbyForTweet_Sake____lollersCATEs______b_luca____________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ray12a____________
    JoeyPositivityray12a____________
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Why does the "lol" symbol look like a drowning guy, with his head and arms sticking out of the water? I bet he's not laughing out loud

    • 26
    • FAVS
    Tulip310NickOBear6ispypandabrinomite2XSiv4UIGotsSmartsjamieramoneDearStabby
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    NickOBear6dishinyourbellyPoulsie__________
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    When are taxes due again?....,

    • 24
    • FAVS
    davinahackerele__dungplescia7492__lolitaloewentha__tamieluskin8243__maricelastdenis__asleysachezgkNeleighapetti1210raymondreinerQq
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    I get the fascination with vodka now, because it mixes with everything right?! I'm mixing it with an empty glass.

    • 21
    • FAVS
    FRANKSTALICIOUSBoundlessBros2XSiv4Uray12a____________ColorMeScraddBachiBawlz________CrazedinNYC______JaySuch
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    dewdabartman
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    I was up all night creating 70 of my 74 followers in order to give my tweets tons of stars. Only managed 14 stars. Im just not that funny.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    2XSiv4Ub_luca____________IGotsSmartsChefBoredRTsTequilaTearsdannydogmouthdishinyourbellyCzickenShack
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    DctorFun__naughtnot
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    A chick just told me I'm so hot she'd rape me. Not sure if I should be scared or if I have a new lucky going-out shirt.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    DearStabbyTequilaTearsray12a____________kelseykapowvertigospiral88NoSugarNutsLicoriceNipples______Discourt
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Cool_JesseSpotswoj__________
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Me: Honey, how long has the check engine light been on?
    My Wife: Two weeks. Its ok though, I popped the hood, its still there.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    GrannyEdnabrinomiteb_luca____________MyLongBallsIGotsSmartsBootsieTweetsChefBoredRTsminealone6
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    minealone6
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Some old guy I was talking to at the store asked me if I was a smart feller, or a fart smeller. It was so funny I raped him.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    brinomiteDearStabbyray12a____________CzickenShackGASmithIVForTweet_Sake____CMFC99conniehans
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    drews_cluesMissHurricanez
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Dreads on white people are just long, stinky, attention getting flags letting the rest of us know you're a fan of shitty music.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    urbancleopatraDearStabbyGASmithIVEddieCoins________TacoTongue_______ForTweet_Sake____JaySuchIrish_317
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    lamaspicosa
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Trying to hide Twitter from my family is harder than finding a place to hide pot from them in my room in highschool.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    ray12a____________b_luca____________donnitrialfemmeMyLongBallsColorMeScraddGASmithIVIGotsSmarts
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Just heard a 300lb woman who I'm sure starred in "people of Walmart" describe fireworks to her child as "them's like tv for the sky!"

    • 16
    • FAVS
    brinomite2XSiv4Ub_luca____________mbeazy13MyLongBallsIGotsSmartschrisclark_inMBColorMeScradd
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    They say you should only trust people as far as you can throw them. Turns out I trust babies A LOT!

    • 15
    • FAVS
    brinomiteb_luca____________mbeazy13MyLongBallsIGotsSmartsGASmithIVTequilaTearsray12a____________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ColorMeScradd
  • bruiser07
      Josh P. @bruiser07

    Assface in bathroom: Where we come from, we wash our hands after we piss. Me: where I'm from we don't piss on our hands.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    kerrystottray12a____________hell_or_high______ForTweet_Sake____DearStabbyGASmithIVrabidpaulezeddaly
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ray12a____________jaydelgrecoDearStabby
@bruiser07

@bruiser07

Writer, producer, actor, rockstar, astronaut, compulsive liar.