@natybietz All at the same time?! Lucky potheads.

@kalarlis Stoner Boner http://t.co/OIEXG20D

Around the eighth mini powdered donut you hit a shame wall. Then I eat three more.

I sometimes read "curmudgeon" as "cum dragon".

Never enough six with the nine.

Okay, all better now. Watching UHF.

My feeling of superiority is better than yours.

I'd make a Facebook page, but I get exhausted just thinking about all the friend requests I'd have to ignore.

How's that hangin' around waiting for a pity fuck thing goin for ya?

3 shots, 4 pints, 2 bowls and 15 mg of Valium later, he began regarding his insomnia as the closest thing to a superpower he will ever get.

600+ poorly crafted comedy tweets later, I see any gal who only links to pics of tofu and their friends has 450 more followers than me

I must've missed that day of 4th or 5th grade where they taught everyone the lyrics to The Devil Went Down to Georgia.

@momostones Hit That - The Offspring. #chrisbrownringtones