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@btemps @mattfromdallas lets go to btemps town and run down some Duggars with SUVs
@btemps That just means it wasn’t lusting over you. Feed yourself, not the devil!
it's the players vs parents volleyball game tonight so I hope I can embarrass my daughter with how high my ponytail is
Walk your date through a cemetery. Tell her she's in grave danger. You both laugh and do the Thriller dance.
How many dads out there want to help their sons learn to slay hot pussy if their sons end up swinging that way when they grow up.
An eye for an eye might make the whole world blind but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be a HUGE win for my eyepatch boutique.
I sneezed and something flew. I don't know where. Nobody touch anything.
“Well, at this point I might as well just finish the rest of them.” - me eating anything whenever
My daughter did a fart in my car this morning that’s going to show up on the CARFAX report.
Lemmy, the ace of spades isn't "the only card you need." You can't make much of a hand with only one card, you silly knucklehead <3 <3 <3
Folks! I just saw a toddler swagger up to a bartender and say in his best "Froggy" voice, "Martini. Dry." You can't make it up.
Folks I just saw a rabbit -- get this now -- just saw a rabbit hop out of its hole and into a big fucking puddle. Gorgeous!
I hate everyone.
