Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
it's the players vs parents volleyball game tonight so I hope I can embarrass my daughter with how high my ponytail is
"If anyone kneads me I'll be at the bakery."
Walk your date through a cemetery. Tell her she's in grave danger. You both laugh and do the Thriller dance.
How many dads out there want to help their sons learn to slay hot pussy if their sons end up swinging that way when they grow up.
An eye for an eye might make the whole world blind but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be a HUGE win for my eyepatch boutique.
I sneezed and something flew. I don't know where. Nobody touch anything.
“Well, at this point I might as well just finish the rest of them.” - me eating anything whenever
I like the hugs that have boobies in them.
Xanax the Worrier Princess.
Handshakes, but with genitals.
"this shit is quaint as fuck" – me if I ever went to Maine probably
My daughter did a fart in my car this morning that’s going to show up on the CARFAX report.
Lemmy, the ace of spades isn't "the only card you need." You can't make much of a hand with only one card, you silly knucklehead <3 <3 <3
Watching "Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull" just to feel sad.
are muppets circumcised
Folks! I just saw a toddler swagger up to a bartender and say in his best "Froggy" voice, "Martini. Dry." You can't make it up.
Folks I just saw a rabbit -- get this now -- just saw a rabbit hop out of its hole and into a big fucking puddle. Gorgeous!