Sorry. I didn't mean to lock my caps at you.

#FUCKING #LIES RT@atmtdhype Filipinos dont know TLC RT @sabzi: wonder how frequently the lyric "I don't want no scrubs" is used jokingly...

Don't smoke cigarettes  https://vine.co/v/b2eJ2YeVux7 

I have an idea for a tv show where there is a flashback and the black guy doesn't have an afro.

RT @lin_manuel: .@rejectedjokes You wanna know why we hit the skins less? Sorry but my toadstool is in another princess. #videogameraplyrics

She's up and down my pipe like a Mario Brother. (starting a new hashtag) #videogameraplyrics

you kno, if being awkward is the new cool, or considered normal, then it isn't awkward anymore folks

Ppl be all "boohoo Internet no privacy wahh"

Nah. s'GOOD. Now folk incentivized to keep fuckery to a minimum.

You are your reputation.

I have yet to get a response to this text-  http://instagram.com/p/Xu-bEPhTQV/ 

they see me tweetin / they hatin / they trollin and tryna catch mistyped up wordies

And then my ghost will show up and slap him because Persian sons don't fuckin call their dad "Pop" without getting slapped

#FUNERAL

Then years later at my funeral he'll say some shit like "and dad always had a bad joke, huh?"

*crowd cathartically laughs thru tears*

Finna be one of those dads that consistently embarasses his kid with corny jokes.

perfect RT @rejectedjokes
"Let's not worry about failure. Failure is a badge of honor. It means you risked failure." -Charlie Kaufman

A surreal pastiche of the clitoris of modern edginess celebrating the culturo-class-gender dynamics of the Lil B generation #SpringBreakers

ppl tryna avoid being meek like "y'all can keep your busted ass earth, ew"

the meek shall inherit the earth, but what if there's a catch and the earth is super wack

If you count a little kid on another kid's shoulders under a trench coat as two people, then I have had TWO boyfriends

"Make it possible to open every 1,000,000th." - Creator of soy sauce to-go packets

Awesome @harmontown tonight w @danharmon @jeffbryandavis & repeat MVP @thesixler. Can't wait for actual non-public D&D session.