@rl_stine I had a customer at work the other week ask for "Pride & Prejudice by Stephenie Meyer"

If you don't agree with gay marriage, the answer is simple: don't marry someone of your own sex! Also go fuck yourself.

Foetal postion is the new lunch break.

Moldova happened when the Beastie Boys got some Smurfs pregnant while on PCP. #sbseurovision

'Here's Wally' #bookswithonelettermissing #anticlimax

The greatest thing about having a day off work is an earthquake occuring while you're masturbating. Or so I'm told. *cough*

I have as much time for women who'd hate me for being a man as I do for people who'd hate me for supporting gay marriage, or having tattoos.

I live in constant fear that Mark Ruffalo & Kirsten Dunst are dancing over me in their underwear while I sleep.

Every single dryer has a pair of underpants left in it. I'm going to pick the one with the sexiest pair.

William Shakespeare's "O Hello" - now a major motion picture 'The Room' #bookswithonelettermissing

Sorting the square-ish books from the more rectangular books. How's everybody else's day coming along so far?

I just overheard an old woman say that she was shopping for "a youtube." A youtube. She wanted to see how much the youtubes were at Myer.

"Shit. What now?" - the zombie that bites the last non-infected human.

Considering tattooing the letter 'x' on each eyelid, so that I'm able to fake my death at will.

My brother just announced his plan to be the first person born in space.

Open minded people have the strangest prejudices.

@scarletohairer 'Hard rubbish' is to 'drunk walk home', what 'bountiful oasis' is to 'trudging through the desert to certain doom.'

Of course, it's not a real gangster movie if it doesn't have a cooking scene.

The US political system is Robbie Williams in the 'Rock DJ' video, and the American people are the bored looking girls on rollerskates.

'Lord of the Rigs' - disenfranchised hobbit fisherman sue BP #bookswithonelettermissing