welcome to ihop here is a plate of fluffy circle breads drowned in sugary tree leakage and topped with edible fat have a nice day idiot

Bro 1: *shotguns 2 beers at once* Bro 2: Ur cool as shit dude *Shit Dude emerges from the toilet dripping with sewage* Which Bro summoned me

"what the hell is this???" u exclaim as i ferociously smear refried beans all over ur dumb smartphone. "its a tex-mexage," i say. lol owned

JUST BROKE UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND VIA ROLLERCOASTER TYCOON

opinions are like onions: speled the same

*spreads jam on toast with a sword*

money-saving tip: Die

*finds a cool as heck stick* today owns

MY NECK, MY BACK, A STRANGER TOOK MY CAT

SUBTWEET ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR INTERNET GIRLS

sext: u eat a scone. u eat another scone. u just keep eating more scones. woops this isn't a sext it's me irl haha

LOL IF YOU DON'T EXPLORE THE WORLD WITH WIDE-EYED WONDER AND RECKLESS ABANDON

I PUT MY HAND UP ON UR THIGH, WHEN I CRY U CRY WE CRY ☹

okay sooo apparently don't give a boy a necklace made out of hairs that he has shed??? umm whatever it took me 7 years to make that, asshole

Congratulations you're on "Who Wants To Be A Millimeter?" simply guess 1,000,000 questions correctly, and we will SHRINK you with a LASER

all A's?? high five son! HA Ha GOTCHA "dad stop it with the glue hand jokes" lol no way there hilarious plus now we're holding hands lmao

someone just told me what reddit was and now i'm standing in a corner facing the wall and i can't stop screaming

"IM SORRY MS. CATSON *ooh* I AM FER-AAAAAL" -new hit by outkats

hug your haters. embrace your haters' imperfections. feed your haters soup. ask them if they like freaks and geeks. kill them if they don't

i think we're all ready for you to start selling margaritas, TACO BELL