@bumpcrud's (Not Not Chris) most faved Tweets...
Dear self: If scratching your face with a clicky pen, make sure the tip isn't out. Also, no one believes they are cat whiskers. Stop trying.
Stapler jammed. Now 10 mins, 3 bloody fingers & a broken pen later, I feel bad I have a job & some of you don't.
Stapler is still jammed.
Stapler is still jammed.
They like to call it a "drug screening"but I will not stop calling it "collecting my pee to give to strangers". It's my right as an American
If I die in this rainstorm, please Lord give me the strength to eject this Fall Out Boy cd and put in something cooler for the EMTs to find.
There is a spraypainted leopard print pick up truck outside. Can we confirm that Anna Nicole Smith is still dead?
Don't know if I can make it at this job another week and a half. I'm looking into the lucrative world of sidewalk bucket drumming.
There's never a more vulnerable point in your life than when your selection gets stuck in the vending machine & someone else sees it happen.
Apparently, The duties of "Office Fire Marshall" do NOT include screaming, "THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOU WILL DIE" during a drill. Duly noted.
Most exciting part of my work day is the crucial seconds before finishing the burrito butt, where you aren't sure if the fold will hold.
QUICK ESTEBAN IS PLAYING GUITAR ON HOME SHOPPING! I mean, i'm out a club with lots of real life friends who think i'm funny & cool. :(
Dropped a pen & it rolled into the space that is out of the reach of my foot under my desk. Or as I refer to it: The Island of Misfit Toys.
Did a Facebook search for childhood friends. Found out they're still people but DID NOT ADD THEM. That's how you use Facebook. For stalking.
DeAR fRiDaY,
iF yOU eVEr wAnT tO sEe yOuR SAturDaY aGaIn, yOu wILl leAvE $50 IN sMaLl uNmArKed pOwDErEd DoNutS uNDeR ThE paRk bEnCH. nO cOps
iF yOU eVEr wAnT tO sEe yOuR SAturDaY aGaIn, yOu wILl leAvE $50 IN sMaLl uNmArKed pOwDErEd DoNutS uNDeR ThE paRk bEnCH. nO cOps
"Sexual Healing" came up on shuffle. I think my ipod is trying to tell me it is ready to take this to the next level.
Whenever I get an email from IT, I always read it wrong. "IT accepts responsibility for this." In my head, "or else it gets the hose again."
Just hit a low point in my life. I scraped the Twix wrapper for caramel. WITH MY TEETH. IN PUBLIC. Does this shame make my guilt redundant?
At Lowes. Nothing makes me feel better than completing a project around the house. Now where do they keep the day laborers?
Its not personal. I don't enjoy this; I'm just higher up on the food chain. You can say goodbye to your family, granola bar. Look away kids.
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