Best paramedic note ever: "Patient confused however competently demonstrates a vast repertoire of obscenities."

A nurse shouted at me for leaving oxygen running, "it doesn't grow on trees" she said. She then got an ironic lesson about photosynthesis.

I'm going to change the patient triage categories to the following, in order of urgency: LOLWTF, OK, OMG and OMFG.

MODERN MEDICINE. http://t.co/gXr7dlmE

A nurse shouted at me for leaving oxygen running, "it doesn't grow on trees" she said. She then got an ironic lesson about photosynthesis.

What doctors don't like the public to know is that none of us actually understand how the kidney works. My theory is tiny magical badgers.

A drug that doesn't work is often described as homeopathic. Apparently I'm not allowed to call certain staff members homeopathic though.

So you Googled your symptoms. Self-diagnosed a non-serious self-limiting illness and then called an ambulance. Well done.

This poster should appear in every doctors office in the world. http://twitpic.com/4ptzay

Anyone know a good plumber? My sink has a leak. http://t.co/ECdOukLV

Patient: You don't look old enough to be a Dr.
Colleague: You don't look old enough to have had three heart attacks. Yet here we are.
#owned

Three scary things in medicine:
1) K+ > Hb
2) pCO2 > pO2
3) Price of lunch > Money in pocket

Asked a patient what day it was to assess their mental state. Then realised I also had no idea what day it was. Awkward.

The subtle balance of caffeine on a night shift. I try to stay somewhere between 'profoundly tachycardic' and 'cardiac arrest'.

Beer as a resuscitation fluid. Dear everyone, I told you so. http://t.co/wVQ3uddI

One of my colleagues suggested a new sign for outside the ITU: "INTENSIVE CARE UNIT: PLEASE STOP GIVING GOD THE CREDIT FOR OUR HARD WORK".

Med student: Why do we still call the operating room a theatre?
Surgeon: Because everyone should fucking clap after I finish
Med student: :O

Starting nights on the ITU tonight. Always remember your ABCDE's: Arrive, Blame, Criticise, Delegate, Exit.

"A drug is a substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific paper."

When asked how you would prioritise between two acutely unwell patients, the answer is not "Make them fight to the death". #medicaltips