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"The best place to hide a dead body is page 2 of Google search results."
I may be schizophrenic
but atleast I have eachother.
I love when I'm awake Egyptians are awake. And when I have to sleep Egyptians are awake. And when I wake up they're still awake.
I treat people good and expect the same treatment back, fuck me right?
You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they're placed around your throat she's probably slightly upset.
Twitter is a place where we understand exactly how a person feels but could never put it into words ourselves.
Books: Weapons of mass instruction.
If she celebrates your 1 week anniversary.
Run to the hills, run for your liiiiiffffeeeee.
I wish I had Dora's parents, they let that bitch go everywhere.
S[he’s] br[ok]en? How about [go] [fuck] [yourself]?
No, the right way to keep something precious is to kill it and pin it to a board.
Then you'll have it forever. ♥
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sandwich.
The biggest disappointment of all time is the fact that you can't tickle yourself.
A chin within a chin? That's not a double chin. That's Chinception
I hate realizing I typo'd 10 minutes afte the tweet.
Never trust the living.
"My memory is real bad." "How bad?" "How bad is what?"
Were you born a bitch or did you also get that fucked into you?
Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing?