I'm gonna stay in this wet towel on the edge of my bed until you text me back.

My mom just blew her nose and it sounded like the beginning of brass monkey

I love a good burned bridge in between me and an asshole.

What's this "Favstar" all the white people are talking about?

@sistersome In kinder a kid sneezed a green bean into my mouth&I puked all over the lunch table. It was sad but I got to go home early! YAY!

I'm a love letter away

Best friends hall out their telescopes to show you Jupiter.

When you aren't looking I'm a cartoon character

Only a certain amount of vanity shots can be tolerated before I hit that button that erases you.

I have to remind you guys about my Harry Potter with a strap on picture. <3 http://t.co/9bgwqEjo

Having a child means never putting on your bra in peace

Texting about acid while at the preschool staff meeting.

My sexual fantasies are in black& white w/Korean subtitles, end w/ me saying sorry 3 times in a row, my face in a beautiful birthday cake.

I also know I left the "I" out of that last tweet.

The only thing standing between me and this nap is a gallon of urine in my bladder screaming to get out. I'm lazy.

This breeze is good.

I WORE PANTS TODAY!!!!!!

A piss that takes 5 pounds off your body weight

#FF the lovely and intelligent @phebeaux @spacefroot @verlieren @cristaaaa_k @jmoneeyy @rage_oholic pic.twitter.com/rE7zFJMkYk

I admit to a mass unfollow but that's cause the stuff I really wanted to read was being drowned by Instagram links and tweets about twitter