Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I'm gonna stay in this wet towel on the edge of my bed until you text me back.
My mom just blew her nose and it sounded like the beginning of brass monkey
I love a good burned bridge in between me and an asshole.
What's this "Favstar" all the white people are talking about?
I'm a love letter away
Best friends hall out their telescopes to show you Jupiter.
When you aren't looking I'm a cartoon character
Only a certain amount of vanity shots can be tolerated before I hit that button that erases you.
Having a child means never putting on your bra in peace
Texting about acid while at the preschool staff meeting.
My sexual fantasies are in black& white w/Korean subtitles, end w/ me saying sorry 3 times in a row, my face in a beautiful birthday cake.
I also know I left the "I" out of that last tweet.
The only thing standing between me and this nap is a gallon of urine in my bladder screaming to get out. I'm lazy.
This breeze is good.
I WORE PANTS TODAY!!!!!!
A piss that takes 5 pounds off your body weight
I admit to a mass unfollow but that's cause the stuff I really wanted to read was being drowned by Instagram links and tweets about twitter