@burwell's most faved Tweets...
I hate honking cos it just sounds so mean, can they make another horn that makes a sound like "I'm not mad at you, but the light's green"?
How many Tiger Woods does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but it'll be a while cos he's screwing in like, 10 other light bulbs.
Smart cars are great if your trying to cut back on gas, they are also great if you're trying to cut back on getting laid.
"You never turn down a high five. Ever." "I dunno dude. If a guy yells 'the holocaust!' I wouldn't go up for it."
if there is a hell, it's filled with guys in crocs and girls in uggs, and they all talk about how much they love their uggs and crocs.
I think that the penis will be the downfall of the human race. I can't explain it in only 140 characters though, sorry.
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Dudeman comes into the store, and asks me "hey, do you know where I can get a fishnet shirt?" I hope I don't look like a guy who would know.
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The nice thing about the sun going down around 5 is that I don't feel so much like an alcoholic when I start drinking at 5:30.
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I judge people based on if they prefer Pepsi or Coke. People who prefer Pepsi are deemed untrustworthy.
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I would love to see Sarah McLachlan and Michael Vick fight. I mean, I know Michael Vick would win, but that doesn't mean I'm disappointed.
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Richmond air: 60% second hand smoke, 15% hipster B.O., 10% evaporated spilled PBR, 5% farts, 5% homeless smell, 5% fresh air.
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