Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you want someone to open a work email, you need a good subject line. “Robot Dogs Dig Holes in the Space-Time Continuum.” I’d read that.
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by Farmville.
Dr explained my ankle injury "in lame man's terms." His childish insult would have bothered me more if his fly hadn't been open.
My attention span has eroded so badly that I can't even finish reading long tweets.
Yeah, like you haven't already stopped reading this.
Cut the sham, Doc. Just Google my symptoms so you can write me a prescription & I can get out of here.
Mark Twain would be a total Favstar whore if he were alive today.
Bought a bra that's too large. Being a pessimist, I'd say it was half full. But also being a pragmatist, I'll stuff it until it *is* full.
If the Amish made sex toys, the craftsmanship would be impeccable. Heirloom quality dildos don't need to be just a dream.
Just found a TICK on a toilet seat at work. Like my job itself wasn't enough of a bloody parasite.
Well played, Monday.
No wonder shoe horns aren't popular anymore. Fuckers are impossible to play.
If there’s no “I” in “team” then why do “I” need to participate?
Never mind me. I’m just practicing for Monday.
You guys are starting to seem more like people than avatars to me. Time to switch back to video games where my real imaginary friends live.
I tried all day yesterday to star thoughtfully and in moderation. But it was too much like dieting. Ice cream & star binge tonight!
The cat has taken to napping on the pile of dog toys. The fuzzy ones shaped like animals.
Oh Cat. Suicide is the coward's way out.
Him? Oh no. He was strictly a sperm of the moment decision.
My dream of becoming a spinster with too many cats is proceeding nicely.
Yes, please – explain it to me again in mind-numbingingly complex detail. Ya know. So I can misundertand you on an even deeper level.
The enemy of my enemy is probably just another hate-filled douchebag like me.
My safe word is "bacon."
Our zoo finally opened their new sock monkey habitat! I heard the long delay was because of the difficulty finding mates.
Lost both of my hands to rats. But my hair is magnificent.