@bytErrant's (sedentary by nurture) most faved Tweets...
If you want someone to open a work email, you need a good subject line. “Robot Dogs Dig Holes in the Space-Time Continuum.” I’d read that.
Dr explained my ankle injury "in lame man's terms." His childish insult would have bothered me more if his fly hadn't been open.
My attention span has eroded so badly that I can't even finish reading long tweets.
Yeah, like you haven't already stopped reading this.
Yeah, like you haven't already stopped reading this.
Cut the sham, Doc. Just Google my symptoms so you can write me a prescription & I can get out of here.
Bought a bra that's too large. Being a pessimist, I'd say it was half full. But also being a pragmatist, I'll stuff it until it *is* full.
If the Amish made sex toys, the craftsmanship would be impeccable. Heirloom quality dildos don't need to be just a dream.
Just found a TICK on a toilet seat at work. Like my job itself wasn't enough of a bloody parasite.
Well played, Monday.
Well played, Monday.
You guys are starting to seem more like people than avatars to me. Time to switch back to video games where my real imaginary friends live.
I tried all day yesterday to star thoughtfully and in moderation. But it was too much like dieting. Ice cream & star binge tonight!
If there’s no “I” in “team” then why do “I” need to participate?
Never mind me. I’m just practicing for Monday.
Never mind me. I’m just practicing for Monday.
The cat has taken to napping on the pile of dog toys. The fuzzy ones shaped like animals.
Oh Cat. Suicide is the coward's way out.
Oh Cat. Suicide is the coward's way out.
Yes, please – explain it to me again in mind-numbingingly complex detail. Ya know. So I can misundertand you on an even deeper level.
Our zoo finally opened their new sock monkey habitat! I heard the long delay was because of the difficulty finding mates.
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