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TurboTax for PC is the worst RPG ever.
'Make sure your device is discoverable'
- Windows, trying to seduce me.
Good job guys, my phone keeps saying your tweets are 'Refreshing...'
I'll halve what she's halving. #sexyfractions
"I'm giving up for Lent." - The Pope
Using the mouse left-handed today to prevent asymmetrical triceps.
Breaking bread with people is so much better when it's cake instead.
If only there was a thick white line that indicated where to stop at intersections.
Using your child to advertise your business is a great way to do two things poorly.
"Let them eat oatmeal creme pies." - populist Marie Antoinette
Saw a little kid in a "Judge me by my size, do you?" t-shirt. He's currently in my backpack as I run through the swamp.
"What if we get half pepperoni and half sausage and a separate one with veggies, maybe a small?" - why Supreme Court rulings are so slow
Dudes in Corvettes, quit acting tough. You drive the same car as Barbie.
I stop reading a tweet around the 34th character if I'm not feeling it.
For clergy: Google Stained Glass
1] buy all six seasons of Lost on DVD 2] watch it on Netflix because putting a disc in is too much work