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I'm not pro-gun control, but I am pro-making-gun-rights-activists-attend-school-shooting-funerals.
I wish the autumn debates were Obama v. Lessig instead of Obama v. Romney.
Go on. Tell me more about how the problem is that we don't have enough armed elementary school teachers.
I fucking dare you.
The gun-control debate has cemented my belief that what we really need in this country are better math classes.
When I'm President, my first act will to be prohibit any rap album from sampling iPhone notification sounds.
Instead of banning fireworks, let's move all the libertarians to a dry, grassy field and let freedom and irony combine to work it all out.
Protesting tip: If you're going to demand democracy, do it in a way that makes others think they can trust you with it.
God fucking dammit.
STOP LIGHTING THE MOUNTAINS ON FIRE.
I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it really quickly.
Dear Every Website For A Local Business Ever:
Location and hours, right on the front page. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The genius of hipsters is that you can't hate one without becoming one.
This year I'm saving time by combining SxSw and Burning Man. Starting off by getting high and running naked through an Apple retail store.
America: Where we'll boycott a chicken sandwich because of something somebody said, but not because eating that shit will kill you dead.
If you want people to read your blog, stop attending social media conferences and start attending writer's workshops.
Real Salt Lake wins it on the one night a week you can't get a drink in Utah. Europe should fine us for being international soccer pansies.
I miss the days where "Black Friday" just meant you had the plague.