From the "My Body IS a Temple" Dept: I just got a phone call in which a small voice asked, tentatively, "Is this a mosque?"

At this Indian resto, a party of 4 just walked in and one of them held up all 10 fingers at the host and said, "4"

OH: “My high-school punk-rock heartthrob is now a middle-aged librarian.”

What's the right dose of Benadryl for a 10-lb cat who has apparently been driven to insane high-speed buffaloing by my mere desire to sleep?

Dear person outside repeatedly shouting "DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT??" Hey, you brought it up.

Most hilarious thing you will see today: http://t.co/dPhGiAZ

I'm writing a lot, on a real computer, annoyed that spell-check merely flags errors, depriving me of the surreal inspiration of autocorrect.

Sneak peek at Bill Keller's next piece in NYT: http://mlkshk.com/p/2H9X

Just went to Specialtys. Ordered 12 pastries. Cashier rung it up and asked, "For here or to go?"

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for an evening. Set him on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life. #notrecommended

You know what chaps my hide? When I'm doing an image search for marmosets, and I see a bunch of pix of mouse lemurs.

Dear everyone sending me all that elections junk mail: I hate you more than you hate trees.

Dear seagull who just bit another seagull's tail: stop acting nonchalant! You still have feathers in your beak!

Man across from me has a tattoo on his hand and is carrying a large box from Cupcake Cove. Just my kind of dangerous.

I started posing as a straight white man at work today and I got a 20% raise.

Just woke from dreaming I was diligently working thru my Instapaper queue. Really, brain? That's what you want to DREAM about?

@mat if amazon doesn't want those shots, why does it invite you to post customer images in the first place?!

On this bus, 2 little old ladies are seriously scoping out the little old man sitting across from them.

Dear brownies: I can't wait til you are done. Shortly after which, you will be FINISHED.

Wow! Just saw a ~12-year-old boy shrink from a friend and say "No! That's disgusting!" I didn't catch what it was but it must have been bad!