Just found out @r_roddy_piper is on Twitter. Haven't seen his feed, but assume it consists entirely of telling people to put the glasses on.

"You guys had better knock that off, or so help me, I'll turn the beat around!" -Gloria Estefan on family road trips

Dear @barackobama, discontinuing subsidized loans for grad students, while continuing to subsidize tobacco farming, shows weird priorities.

I like to think that the Rolling Stones song "Mother's Little Helper" is about Jesse Spano's caffeine pills.

Q: Why do people in NorCal install weather stripping in their homes? A: To protect them from the hella-ments.

Thomas Kinkade and Wyland walk into a bar. The bartender's mom swoons for weeks about whales that look different at night, misunderstanding.

"Santa Claus is Coming to Town" is about the Patriot Act, right?

Just heard "Santa Baby" for the first time of the season. Loading my revolver.

@christurmoil @charleswrhoads My 80s cop-type show theme for an alarm clock vote goes to The Rockford Files. #MikePost4RockNRollHallOfFame

If you own a radio, and love hearing "The Monster Mash" played in its entirety literally every 17 minutes, boy is today your lucky day!

@billcorbett "Tranny" is an outdated and offensive word. The preferred term is "Transylvanian-Americans". #dracula

@kenjennings And after he did it, he said out loud to himself, "king of the wicker people!"

When I'm feeling down, I imagine the band who did the Home Improvement theme song rocking that tune live in a Toronto night club.

...and guest starring the guy who played Young Lex Luthor, as Young Jean-Luc Picard!

"Residue? Resi-don't!" -Million dollar ad idea for a residue remove. You're welcome.

I bet the best job at a bank is the guy in charge of making sure none of the pens have any ink in them.

"Rhoads? Where we're going, we don't need Rhoads!" -Doc Brown, heading someplace where @charleswrhoads will do him absolutely no good.

I'm pretty sure I'm enjoying reading Twitter's commentary on the Grammys far more than anybody anywhere is actually enjoying the Grammys.

I have to go to the bathroom, but I just watched The Dark Knight Rises and I don't know if I can handle any more piles of crap right now.

@brittneygirl I see your  http://Kiva.org  and raise you one  http://ModestNeeds.org  to share with your followers.