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I named my first parakeet Tweety. If I ever got a second parakeet, I'd name him Retweety.
"I'm getting laid, then I'm hanging out and bonding with my friends all day." - a brick
Vulnerability begets vulnerability.
Vulnerability makes us beautiful, accessible and encourages intimacy.
Let your drawbridge down today.
I think the same thoughts you do, but I never think to type them in this format.
The pizza smells so good. I want pizza candles for the nights without pizza.
Lust and hunger both stem from the same place in the brain- the hypothalamus. How unbelievably confusing it must be for a horny cannibal...
Don't talk about real life on Twitter. You can have a fake life here.
I pressed play for the audio on all your tweets, and I immediately went into a downward spiral of nymphomatic depression.
I look forward to the day when the zip-line is a reliable mode of transportation.
Before I owned an iPhone,had a recurring nightmare I couldn't dial my husband'sphone#.now the nightmare: my husband leaves me for my iPhone.
I let my phone do a lot of things, but phone sex is out of the question.
Some say misery loves company. The misery I know is in a love triangle with a supermodel and a chef.
When I have a stale baguette in the house, I bridge it between two chairs and karate-chop it in half. What else would I do with it...
Life's a bitch, but at some point it turns into a bird. You'll know when life's a bird .... you will have an intense urge to tweet a lot.
Toilet therapy: Spew out all your rage and hatred at the toilet.make the toilet feel shitty (it's used to it). Now Flush. Then tweet.
The moment you are expecting a Bloody Mary, but get a sea creature instead... http://t.co/kRZSqjYe
"Opportunity knocks only once, but Regret crashes on your couch and eats all your peanut butter." -- Conan O' Brien
Maybe If I'm really really good, the Spare Tire fairy will come and take my spare tire away.
My favorite word is Jabberwocky.
