I'm gonna start signing off all my emails "The World is a Vampire"

For any current or former Alberta / #yeg people @omar_aok 's story on Burger Baron is a MUST READ :  http://www.calgaryherald.com/swerve/features/Burger+Baron+food+chain/8329346/story.html …

If you see one romantic comedy this year make it this video by @lisadraws and @adamconover : http://t.co/Kx0s2iTP

Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid

Everyone interested in #topoli should check out @jj_mccullough 's super Kawaii cracked-out Rob Ford  http://www.filibustercartoons.com/index.php/2013/05/21/controversies-piling-up/ … #yyz

I may have just agreed to read 88 pieces of Tetris fan fiction #YOLO

Talk with Chip Kidd and Tagame. "Tagame sensei have you ever slept with a woman?" "Neber!!!!"  http://instagram.com/p/ZMLufuLiJt/ 

Todays #FF shoutout to @screamqueenb and her film @gjrmovie which got in the @cinecoup top 15! Gentleman, now is the time to gold dig her!

This month has been an accidental David Wenham film festival. He's pretty damn reliable:  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0920992/ 

Real Dating Profile "I'm always up for adventures. I once kayaked to see Jimmy Buffet". I just had so many strokes

"But what about those times when my tweets got no Favs?" and Jesus said "My son, that's when I was lolz-ing so hard I forgot to Fav!"

@michcoll @alisongroves Spain is great if you like sad people dressed like your Bubbie's drapes : http://t.co/5jfOuvh3

I'm too hot to finish walking down Yonge. Which sex store do I crouch in front of to find the warp whistle?

Twitter on A Saturday Afternoon: Only women are awake and they're all eating pancakes.

My last wedding of the year today. Upside: It's between Channing Tatum & Rachel Mcadams. Downside:Outside and we're pretending it's spring.

I support all humor making fun of Canada :  http://youtu.be/WR7RlK-YvNg 

Savor this: You're in the rare position where if you find out someone you know DOESN'T smoke crack you'll be disappointed

Let it be known, regardless of our relationship, if you're deep in the emotional shit you can count on me. I'm over friends becoming corpses

I have to go to a party with all Psychiatrists tonight. It's like a knock knock joke and private hell all wrapped in one!

Hard to justify the time/money it takes shopping for summer clothes for my 40lbs heavier frame when I could just walk into traffic and die